Air Date: July 20, 2001
Written by Lily Taylor
Directed by Tony Tilse
Transcript by Xenajules2
Edited and put on-line by Bluey
3.13 - Scratch 'N Sniff
PROLOGUE
The scene opens in a bar. There are lots of people of all different types, mostly humanoid. There is music playing in the background. John and D'Argo are sitting together. John is bent over, drinking from a multi-strawed glass. D'Argo has a very large glass sitting in front of him.
John: "How can you say that?"
D'Argo: "Because it's true. You're exactly like a Sebacean."
John: "In what way am I like a Sebacean?"
D'Argo: "In that you think that you are superior. And that you treat the rest of us like animals."
John: "When have I ever treated you like that?"
D'Argo: "Only every time that we have to make a decision and you think that the best idea is your idea."
Three females, sitting at another table, are observing John and D'Argo. There is one short alien flanked by two taller, befeathered aliens. The smaller one is talking animatedly while the others keep looking over at the guys.
Chiana bounces up to the table where John and D'Argo are sitting.
Chiana: "Oh, yeah! They are going to write songs about the way you guys tore this place up."
D'Argo: "Right. Go away."
Chiana laughs: "I am away. I am on vacation."
John: "Pip, beat it."
Chiana: "Has it occured to you Why Pilot banished you from Moya?"
[Flash scene of Pilot talking, with an angry expression]
John and D'Argo both pull back and look at Chiana.
Chiana: "Because you're both acting like a couple of immature dredgenaughts."
[Flash scene: John and D'Argo are in Pilot's den, arguing.
John: "I can't believe you pissed him off.
D'Argo: "I didn't piss him off. You pissed him off."
John: "You did."]
Chiana: "Grow up! Or ignore each other, or kill each other, but just stop fighting all the time."
An obviously drunk Jool arrives at the table.
Jool: "I'm out of currency."
John slides some brownish square tiles across the table to her: "Here."
Chiana laughs: "Playland for the rich too classy for ya?"
Jool slurrs: "Effervesive spirits cost more than cheap freslek. But you..you just keep on hunting for that long range carga whore of your dreams,"
[Flash scene of Jool surrounded by other people on the dance floor] Jool throws her arm over John's shoulder: "cause she's sure to drop in you lap one day."
Jool bounces off.
Chiana: "When she passes out, I'll...I'll take her back to Moya." Chiana starts to move her hips to the music: "In the meantime"
[Flash scene of Chiana dancing with a man] "I'm gonna have some fun. I suggest you guys do the same."
Chiana leaves the table.
John bends down over his drink: "See what you did?"
D'Argo: "You did it."
John: "You did."
D'Argo: "You."
John: "You."
D'Argo: "You."
John: "Did."
D'Argo: "You."
John: "Yah, right. You did it."
The smaller female alien slides some clear, green 'money' cubes to each of the 'feathered' alien women. They smile and put the money down their bodices.
[Flash scene showing a close-up of the smaller female alien's face. John's voice: "This alien is Raxil. There's one like her on every planet.]
The two female aliens approach the table where John and D'Argo are sitting.
[Flash scene of the two alien females, one with a blue forehead and one with a green and orange forehead. John's voice: "And these girls?" He laughs: "We never did get their names."]
The alien girls stand by the table and look at John and D'Argo. D'Argo doesn't look too impressed.
Blue alien: "Ahh...Are you boys....a couple?"
John: "Ha!"
D'Argo laughs.
John: "No."
D'Argo:"No."
John: "No."
[Flash Scene: "No."]
D'Argo: No."
Green alien: "Can you handle some girls looking to party?"
[Flash scene: "Party? Party?"]
D'Argo: "I am a full-blooded Luxan. And ladies, I have so much cash in my pocket that I can assure you that the three of us (John holds up four fingers) will be out of here on our hands and knees come sunrise tomorrow morning."
[Flash scene: D'Argo gets up and heads to the dance floor with the girls. John is following close behind. On the way, they pass Jool, drinking at the bar. Raxil is watching all this closely.]
D'Argo: "I've been arrested for saying exactly the same thing on four different planets."
D'Argo and John start to dance with the 'feathered' alien women. As they continue to dance, Raxil sprays something at D'Argo.
[Flash scene of Raxil: "Whoa!"] John notices Raxil watching them and looks puzzled. He immediately goes back to dancing. The camera zeros in on two men sitting off to the side of the dance floor. They are both dressed in black.
[Flash scene of Chiana on the crowded dance floor. The alien is craning his neck to watch her.] [Flash Scene: A hand in a ruffled cuff holds up a green ball] [Flash Scene: The smaller alien man. John's voice: "Fe'Tor. Bad guy. Dressed in black.][Flash Scene: Jool on the dance floor, drinking a shot][Flash Scene: A hand turns a control knob.][Flash scene of Jool and Chiana dancing.][Flash scene: The other alien man. John's voice: "Another bad guy. The guy with Fe'Tor."]
John and D'Argo continue to dance to the jazz music. Raxil is still watching them. Jool and Chiana are nearby, also dancing. Jool drains her glass. She tips it upside down to make sure that it is empty.
[Flash scene: John dancing, Lots of aliens.][Flash scene: John gets punched in the eye in a brightly lit room. He falls down with his hand over his eye.]
A red feather floats by.
D'Argo, quietly: "Crichton."
We see John's head from above him. He is lying with his green t-shirt over his eyes. There are different colored feathers strewn around the floor, some on him. There is a blue feather sticking out of his mouth.
D'Argo, louder: "Crichton! Crichton, wake up! Wake up! Crichton!"
John reaches up and pulls the shirt off his eyes.
John groans: "What happened?"
D'Argo: "What didn't happen?"
We can now see that D'Argo is kneeling over John who is lying on his shirtless back in some kind of a circular glass enclosure.
John: "Oh, god! There were girls, right?" He reaches up to brush the feathers off his face. "Feathered chicks. The..the rainbow coalition."
D'Argo has a red feather stuck under his headband: "Girls. Breasts. Blue breasts, green breasts, I don't know. All I know is... they spiked our drinks and took our money."
John: "They rolled us?"
D'Argo: "Yah, they rolled us. You know, these shots that we took.." (D'Argo reaches past John to grab an empty plastic container)
John is feeling around in his holster: "My pulse pistol."
D'Argo: "they spiked em."
John, louder: "My pulse pistol! They took my damn pulse pistol!"
D'Argo: "No one stole your pulse pistol. We're on LoMo. No weapons allowed. Your pulse pistol's on the transport pod."
John gets up: "I don't remember that." He groans.
John pulls on his t-shirt: "Where are my boots?"
John climbs up on a ledge and looks around. He sees several people, all looking at him and laughing. He also sees the little alien, Raxil.
Raxil: "Whoa! Ho, ho, ho!"
John, quietly: "D'Argo. We're in a window. There are people watching."
D'Argo is lying down, between John's legs: "Un huh. I think they've been there for about 7 arns, so why don't you just get dressed and give them a good show sweetheart."
John: "I am dressed."
John glances down at his legs and sees that he is clad only in his shirt, black briefs and thigh-high black net stockings. John screams, a quite high pitched scream and scrambles out of the window, crawling over D'Argo to get there. D'Argo looks up and sighs. John peeks his head back around the wall to see that, yes, the people are still really there.
END OF PROLOGUE
ACT ONE
Moya is flying peacefully over a planet. In Pilot's den....
Pilot:"I said ten solar days away from Moya, and I meant ten."
John:"Pilot, gimme a break. I'm tryin to tell you what happened."
Pilot: "I understand, Crichton. However, my inclination is not to accept any explanation."
John, who has one of those multi-strawed drinks resting on Pilot's console: "Well, I can't go back down there. I'm persona non grata on LoMo. LoMo non grata. Can't do it. Not goin. Eh en."
Pilot: "You return beat-up, inebriated and broke after only two."
John: "Yeah. But that's what I'm tryin to explain to you. You said that if I could explain it, then I..I could stay onboard, right?"
Pilot sighs deeply: "Proceed."
A beach scene with multi-colored irregular shaped tents spread out all over it. There is music playing (Dooo, shoo bop, shoo bop, Dooo, shoo bop) throughout. There are people everywhere, going into and out of the various tents. A waiter carries a tray of drinks into a tent where D'Argo and John are sitting/lounging on some blow-up clear green chairs.
John: "How the hell did we end up in that window?"
D'Argo: "I don't know."
John: "You don't think we, ah..." he points at D'Argo several times.
D'Argo, angrily: "I said, I don't know!"
John sits up and grabs his forehead: "Hey, don't..don't yell, it hurts. Have we heard from Jool or Pip yet?"
D'Argo: "They haven't been answering their comms."
John:"Right. Go find 'em Lassie. It was your idea to come down here in the first place."
D'Argo: "You go frelling find them. Aren't you worried about them?"
John: "Ah, hell no! They're probably sleepin off the fun they had last night."
D'Argo: "Shut up!"
John: "Hey! Don't tell me to shut up! You know, you're the one who told em to have fun. Whad'you think fun is for Chiana?" D'Argo is reaching over and tapping John on the knee. "What?"
D'Argo, looking outside the tent at the crowd: "John...isn't that the pile of dren we saw outside the window?"
[Flash scene: Raxil standing outside the window and laughing]
John looks outside: "Yeah. Smile. It was also in the bar last night, wasn't it?." John smiles and waves at Raxil. D'Argo waves once. John gestures for her. She sees him and comes over to their tent.
Raxil, speaking very quickly, in a broad 'cockney' accent: "I'm so glad you're not angry. Ya know, I thought you're gonna...."
John and D'Argo both grab her and shove her face first down into one of the inflatable chairs.
Raxil: "Oh, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna scream!" She begins to shriek!
John: "Don't scream!"
D'Argo: "Did you steal our currency?"
Raxil: "What're you talkin about? I didn't steal anything. I came over here to talk to you, you know? But you looked so angry before when you were in the window..."
[Flash scene of John after he discovers himself in hose, screaming]
John: "Not talkin about the window!"
Raxil: "All right. Let me give ya something here. I saw it all. They're in trouble."
D'Argo: "Yeah, they're gonna be in a lot more trouble when I find 'em. The green and the blue chick."
[Flash scene: The two alien women standing by their table.]
Raxil: "No, no, no. Not the blue and green chick.. I'm talking about your females. I'm talking about the pretty gray one and the really annoying gold one."
[Flash scene: Chiana and Jool talking to each other on the dance floor, in a crowd of people. Jool laughs and falls down, backwards.]
D'Argo: "What about them?"
Raxil: "They're in trouble. I can show ya. I can show ya what happened last night. Let me go."
John and D'Argo stand up, releasing Raxil.
John: "D'Argo, look. Chiana knows how to look after herself. We gotta find our money..."[Flash scene of Chiana scooping a pile of currency across the bar.] D'Argo shoves Raxil back down into the chair with one hand.
John: "and I'm pretty sure this grommet is involved."
Raxil bounces back up again: "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I've got somethin for ya. I've got us a recorddding, of all that happened last night."
[Flash scene of the guys on the dance floor with the 'feathered' alien women.] "I mean, ya don't believe it, you can see it for yourselves, ya know?"
John shoves Raxil back into the chair: "It's talking crap. We got rolled, and I don't think we need a ..."
Raxil bouces up again: "You're broke! You can't get robbed again! I mean, what'dya think? Ya think I want your shoes?
[Flash scene of someone wearing boots, landing flat on the dance floor, boots out.]
John: "I don't know what you want?"
Raxil: "You're not very smart, are you? Now he...(looking at D'Argo), he's got brains. Now you, you're a bit of an idiot, huh?" [Flash scene: "huh?" "huh?"]
John: "Yah."
Raxil: "Yah?"
John: "But I'm bigger." He pushes her back down into the chair again.
Raxil: "Oh, Ow! ow. All Right. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Alright. Alright. Ha, have you spoken to your females yet? I'll bet you haven't spoken to them yet. Have ya/"
D'Argo: "No, we haven't spoken to them, because they might be sleeping, they could be..."
[Flash scene of Chiana and Jool dancing with each other "Oh ya, Princess."]
Raxil: "How do I know you haven't spoken to them yet? Huh? You don't know that, do ya? No. Well, my point is.."
D'Argo: "Will you just tell us!"
Raxil throws a gloved hand up in the air: "Tah dah!" (Doo whop, shoo bop music starts playing again.)
D'Argo, looking at the object Raxil has nestled in her palm: "That's Jool's comm."
John: "How do you know?"
D'Argo: "It's melted around the edges from when she screams."
[Flash scene of Jool, in a bubble bath, a glass in her hand, shrieking happily.]
Raxil, still holding the comm in her hand: "Now. Do you want to see what happened last night, or not? 'Cause I could just, you know, not." (the music still plays.)
D'Argo and John each grab one of Raxil's arms and pull her up out of the chair.
Raxil: "Alright, alright. Ya don't have to push me." They lead her out of the tent.
Entering a building, John and D'Argo are following Raxil, who is talking incessantly.
Raxil: "The point is, see, we can be friends. You can trust me. Everybody trusts me 'cause I'm a female of my word."
John, waving his hand in front of his face: "Oh, what is that?" He wrinkles up his nose.
D'Argo: "Smells like..."
Raxil: "Sh! sh, sh! Close, but no. It's miramar root, you know?
"[Flash scene of a bowl with multi-colored balls in it, sitting on a bar, lights flashing around it.] "Kabaah uses it in all his pleasure elixars. Low enough quality, but we don't tell him that. Mr. Kabaah? Mr. Kabaah? Wake UP!"
John: "Don't yell."
Raxil: "Well, I have to. He's as deaf as a feather. Wake up!" They are now far enough into the room that we can see the side of a very strange, pale green creature, with tentacles on its head.
Kabaah lifts his head (it's head is triangular in shape, with a very small mouth in the center and at least six segmented, katydid like legs off to the sides.): "Go away. I don't need your trouble."
Raxil: "Trouble? Me? No, no, no. You must have me confused with someone else. "
Kabaah: "I'm not confused. I've seen you snooping around, seeing you when you didn't want me to."
D'Argo reaches out, grabs Raxil's arm and jerks her over to him.
D'Argo: "Is that...a Hangi?"
Pilot: "A Hangi? I don't believe you."
John asks D'Argo: "What's a Hangi?"
Raxil: "Creature with removable eyes. Optic nerves that continue to record and send back images, even after they're seperated from the body. Leave em in somebody's bedchamber...Cawr!, cawr, cawr!"
John: "You brought us to see a pornographer?!"
Kabaah: "I'm deaf, not dead. Stop talking like I'm not here. What do you want?"
Raxil walks back over towards Kabaah, shaking a finger at him: "I know you've always got an eye hanging out at the LoMo bar."
[Flash scene of bar patrons applauding.]
Kabaah: "Sooo?"
D'Argo starts to approach Kabaah: "We're looking for a Nebari and an Interon."
[Flash scene of Jool and Chiana dancing together in the bar.]
Kabaah: " You want, The show."[
Flash scene of even more bar patrons applauding.]
Raxil: "Yeah, yah, that's right."
Kabaah: "Who's paying? You don't think you'll get the show for... free, do you?"
D'Argo: "We have no currency. You know that."
Raxil: "Come on. Ya gotta have something!"
John: "All right then, we are being scammed. Ren and Stimpy here are teaming up to rip us off. Let's get outa here."
Kabaah: "This Phanix? I would never team up with her."
Raxil: "Wait a minute! Wait a minute. Just to prove to you, I'll pay. There." She places a tile like the ones John was using last night, on the floor in front of Kabaah.
[Flash scene of John sliding a tile out of his pile of currency to give to Jool.]
John: "Where did you get that currency?"
Raxil: "Why? What's the matter?"
John: "All of our brandar tiles were stolen last night."
Raxil: "So? Did you have your name on 'em? No. No! They aren't yours. They're mine, they're mine. You two have really got to work on your attitude, you know that? Kabaah, give 'em a tentacle."
Kabaah: "Put one of these on your eye." Kabaah leans his head towards them.
John: "You gotta be kidding me."
Kabaah: "These will link back to the optic memory of last night, and act as a three-dimensional image of everything that happened in the bar." He laughs.
D'Argo: "You want us...to put one of your tentacles...in our eye?" He points to his eye.
Raxil: "Don't be such a grimmit." She grabs a tentacle and jerks it to her face, pulling something out of the end of it. Kabaah groans.
Raxil: "Just do it!"
John and D'Argo both gingerly bring a tentacle up to their eyes. D'Argo makes little moaning noises.
[Flash scene of John with a feathered alien, dancing. Then D'Argo drinking out of a bottle, with his arm on the other feathered alien. He has a squeeze drink in his hand and he laughs loudly.]
John, D'Argo and Raxil appear to be standing in amongst the bar patrons.
John: "This is...this is...uh, D'Argo, you, you seein this? This is...uh.."
D'Argo, looking around the room: "Well, it's, uh...it's incredible." We see D'Argo with the feathered alien, laughing.
Scene shifts back to Kabaah:
Raxil: "Kabaah, show us the females."
The scene shifts back to the bar. Jool is sitting at a table, looking disgusted. The jazz music from the night before is playing. She rubs her forehead with her hand and stands up. She comes up to Chiana.
Chiana: "Oh, hello." They start to dance with each other, without touching.
Chiana: "I can be bad. You're jealous."
Jool: "All right." They start to circle each other, never taking their eyes off each other.
John: "Yeah, this looks really dangerous." (When he starts speaking, we see him standing in the bar. When he finishes, he is by Kabaah, holding a tentacle to his eye.)
John: "Those girls are in fear for their lives."
D'Argo: "Alright, have you got anything else?"
Raxil removes her tentacle: "Kabaah, get your eye outta the gutter. Show them later. Later!"
The bar scene flits by at an extreme rate of speed, then slows to normal speed. The bar patrons are all applauding. They turn around and an aisleway opens up in front of them and they see Jool standing at the other end. Her back is to them. We hear a voice: "Whoo wee!", as Jool begins a tumbling run, the length of the room. At the end, she passes right through John and D'Argo. She stops in front of Chiana.
Chiana: "That it?"
Jool: "Yah." We see Fe'Tor watching all this.
Chiana points: "You." A young man in a vest and no shirt says: "You want me?" Chiana gestures with her finger and the young man smiles and hurries over to her. He stands in front of her. She has a long rod in each hand and there are flames on the ends of the rods.
Chiana: "Watch." She begins to twirl the flames to the music, around and around her body, arms crossing, going faster and faster and finally super-fast. When she stops, the young man smiles a little smile, then passes out, cold, and drops to the floor, his boots out in front of him. The crowd applauds, We see Fe'Tor applaud once.
At Kabaah's...
John:"Ooh! "
In the bar, Chiana is smiling and walking back over to the bar while the crowd continues to applaud. She pulls a pile of currency over to herself.
Chiana: "I just won a bet. Razlack. Make it a large." She pushes a tile back towards the bartender.
John is standing by Chiana at the bar. He waves his hand in front of her face, but she obviously can't see him. She picks up a blue squeeze bottle and drinks. Fe'Tor comes up to stand behind her.
Fe'Tor: "You smell so exotic." He smiles and she turns to look at him.
Fe'Tor: "I like watching you dance. I like watching you and your friend, but especially, you."
Chiana: "Ooh!"
John: Oh, big deal. She's been hit on by some guy. Knowing Chi, he's probably in more trouble than she is."
Raxil: "Wait, there's more."
Fe'Tor: "I have something for you." He brings something past her nose, then to his mouth where he uses his teeth to remove a stopper. He then slides the tiny bottle back under Chi's nose. She takes a whiff.
[Flash scene: Chi ingests the drug and her perceptions change.]
Chi looks back at Fe'Tor
Chiana: " You...I like the look of you." Fe'Tor takes her face in his hands.
D'Argo: "Who is this bastard?"
Raxil: "That's Fe'Tor."
Back at Kabaah's....there is a loud crashing sound.
John: "Ohh!" He pulls the tentacle out of his eye and walks away, feeling his eye.
John: "Ow! Whoa, whoa! What just happened?"
Kabaah: "You didn't pay me enough to cross Fe'Tor."
D'Argo:"Who's Fe'Tor?"
Raxil: "He's what I was trying to show ya. Fe'Tor's the most famous kaznick around here. He rounds up all the good-looking ones and they all just party, night and day, night and day."
[Flash scene: A door opens and we see a hooded woman. She is dressed in black. She is in a room with another woman lying on a strange looking red sculpture. There are lines running from her to the ceiling.]
D'Argo: "What? Does he....do them?"
Raxil: "He hurts em. He gives em the whiff. Well, you saw. And then they do anything."
[
Flash scene: Gurgling noises and a shot of the lines coming from the woman. They run to bulbs hangining from the ceiling. Liquid appears to be flowing from the woman on the sculpture, up the tubes. Her hands are tied above her head. The hooded woman looks up as Fe'Tor enters the room. The woman smells something. {John's voice:"I'm not sure, but I think this is Fe'Tor's sister."}
Hooded Woman: "Her freslin is still...adequate." Fe'Tor:"I'm not interested in ...adequate."]
Raxil: "We gotta get your females out of there."
D'Argo:"Do you know where we can find them?"
Raxil: "Yah, got an idea."
She and D'Argo start to leave. John stops them.
John: "Whoa! Hey, Whoa! D'Argo. D'Argo, wait. What we saw is from last night. Chiana could not even be with that guy anymore."
[Flash scene: Hooded woman is talking to Fe'Tor: "We can't have another auction yet. It's too soon, too dangerous." Fe'Tor: "I think our female upstairs may be exceptional. For her, we can risk it."]
John: "D'Argo, why are you believing this Raxil thing here? Chiana was having fun. She could be walking back into the bar right now, we don't know."
D'Argo: "Well why don't you go to the bar and wait for her?"
John: "D'Argo, I...."
D'Argo: "It's fine. I'm just going to go along and say....(he waves) hello."
[Flash scene: A hand turns a contol knob on a box. A whirring noise is heard. We see the hooded woman standing by the sculpture with the other woman on it. Fe'Tor is walking away from them. Fe'Tor: "Squeeze her dry."]
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
On the beach, D'Argo walks up to the tent, where John is lying on a blow-up chair.
John: "I've been commin' the girls. No answer. Did you find 'em?"
D'Argo takes a drink from a waiter: "Found 'em."
D'Argo's hand knocks on a metal door. The door is answered by a guard dressed in black leather, including a face mask and hood.
Guard: "Deliveries around the back."
D'Argo, looks surprised: "Oh. Oh. Around the back?"
Guard: "Yeah, around the back."
D'Argo: "Uh, ok. Thanks." D'Argo moves as if to leave, then hits the guard in the face and knocks him out.
John: "They okay?"
D'Argo: "They're fine."
D'Argo walks into a garden room. Jool is in a bubble bath with a drink in her hand. She shrieks. D'Argo hears her shriek and starts after the sound, up a flight of stairs. As he climbs, Jool's shrieks change to laughter. D'Argo runs into a large sun room.
D'Argo: "Jool! Jool!"
Jool is gasping for breath. D'Argo runs over to where she is reclining in a bathtub. A man with blondish hair has ahold of her foot.
D'Argo: "Are you all right?"
Jool gasps: "Ah! Oh, D'Argo! Come in with me." The blond man has moved to her head.
D'Argo: "Where..."
Jool: "Come on."
D'Argo: ",,,is Chiana?"
Jool breathes: "Over there." She points.
D'Argo turns around and sees Chiana lying on the floor, waving her legs in the air and giggling.
Chiana: "Hey!" She giggles some more. D'Argo comes over to her and kneels between her legs.
D'Argo whispers: "Um....ah...ah...we thought that perhaps you might be in some trouble."
Chiana: "I'm not in any trouble. At least none I don't want to be in."
Inside the beach tent....
D'Argo: "Where's Raxil? She didn't wait around like she said she would."
John, points behind himself: "That way."
Raxil: "Ow! Ow! Did you see them? Are they in trouble?"
D'Argo: "They were taking a bath."
Jool is still laughing loudly. D'Argo bends over Chiana to talk, so he won't be heard.
Chiana grabs a piece of D'Argos hair and plays with it.
D'Argo: "I, uh...We saw him...give you something. some stuff."
[Flash scene: Chiana is leaning against Fe'Tor. He is holding a small bottle of blue liquid up for her to see.]
Chiana: "Oh. Were you spying on me?"
D'Argo: "No...no."
Chiana sits up so her nose is almost touching D'Argo's: "D'Argo, I came here to have a good time. Does that make you jealous?"
D'Argo: "No. I'm not jealous. It's just that..."
Chiana: "Cause you and me, we're...we're not together (she is playing with his braids) anymore, are we?"
D'Argo: "No, we're not together anymore, but..."
Chiana: "Oh. Well then, let go of me." Chiana giggles.
D'Argo stands up and pulls Chiana to her feet: "Alright. You and Jool are coming with me."
Chiana: "Let me go!"
D'Argo drags Chiana over to the tub, where he grabs Jool's arm. Jool shrieks.
Fe'Tor: "Is everything all right?"
D'Argo: "She's fine."
Fe'Tor: "Why don't you let go of her then?"
D'Argo: "Why don't you mind your own business, you miserable little trelk?"
Chiana: "Oh!"
In the beach tent, D'Argo grabs Raxil by the throat and starts strangling her.
Raxil: "Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!"'
D'Argo: "They had weapons!"
At Fe'Tor's, the other man from the bar has what looks almost like a machinegun pointed at D'Argo's head.
D'Argo pushes Raxil down onto a chair and is throttling her.
D'Argo: "You said it would be a party."
At Fe'Tor's...
D'Argo turns around and slugs one of Fe'Tor's guards and knocks him down.
John scrambles to get back on his feet to go back and try to stop D'Argo from killing Raxil.
D'Argo: "But they had weapons that they put to my head!"
D'Argo hits two guards at once, one with each hand.
John: "They had weapons?"
D'Argo: "But they weren't pointed at Chiana. They were pointed at me."
The man has his gun pointed at D'Argo's head.
Fe'Tor: "Please. Please, calm yourself. I don't like to show force. But you are in my residence and you are attacking my people. Now...get out."
D'Argo: "Chiana?"
Chiana: "D'Argo, get out. Go!"
Fe'Tor nods towards the door and the other man gestures with his gun. D'Argo snarls but starts to leave. Jool yells after him:"Oh, we're fine, D'Argo, really. We're just ...oh!" The blond man is fondling her.
John: "Uh, D'Argo. You're gonna kill her."
Raxil is feeling around in her belt pouch as D'Argo strangles her.
D'Argo: "At the moment, I do not have a problem with that."
Raxil brings up the item she has pulled out of her pouch and sprays D'Argo in the face with it.
D'Argo clasps his hand over his eye: "Ah! Ah!
[Flash scene: D'Argo dancing - in very fast time]
John: "What did you spray on him ?"
Raxil: "Freslin."
[Flash scene: There are a lot of people in the bar, dancing. D'Argo is there and he is 'gettin down']
Pilot: "Stop! Stop! Stop! This makes no sense. You make no sense."
John is half lying on Pilot's console: "What? What doesn't make sense? She nailed him with love potion number nine."
Pilot: "It made him dance?"
John: "Well, it's a way to meet girls. Pilot, just listen to this, alright? This is important. This is about the deal. It's about Freslin. LoMo's dirty little secret."
Pilot: "I suspect the dirtly little secret is you spent all your currency on pleasure and now..."
John, shouts: "Hey! You know what? It's a wierd universe out there man. You don't know that cause you're spendin all your time indoors. Just let me finish my story."
D'Argo is dancing in the bar. Raxil and John are sitting at a table.
Raxil: "See. See why I made us get off the beach? He would've been chasing everything that moves."
John has one of those multi-strawed drinks again: "And it's all because of this...stuff you gave him?"
Raxil: "Freslin's an attractant. You could be attractive to someone else, or they could be attracted to you. Strong, weak, anything. Depends on where its manufactured."
Chiana is leaning back against Fe'Tor. He is holding up a small bottle of blue liquid for her to see.
Fe'Tor: "Did you like the Freslin I gave you last night?"
Chiana: "Is this more?"
Fe'Tor: "Mmm, different batch. Different quality." He takes the stopper off the bottle. " Want a taste?"
[ scene: Chiana is being hung up by her wrists from a metal frame. Organ music is playing.]
Fe'Tor: "Hmm? Hmm."
Chiana: "Bring it on."
[ scene: A door opens on the room where the hooded lady stands watching liquid travel up the tubes.]
Chiana and Fe'Tor are just two of several people in the sunroom.
Chiana is gasping for breath: "That's different."
Fe'Tor: "More bitter?"
Chiana: "Yah."
Fe'Tor laughs: "An animal's last batch always is." He laughs and strokes Chiana's hair.
Chiana: "This is... uh, this is from an animal?"
Fe'Tor: "Uh hm."
[Flash scene: the woman who is tied to the sculpture, with tubes running from her body.] "A beautiful animal."
John: "Is this the same stuff, that that guy sprayed on Chiana last night?"
Raxil "Yah. Grade A Freslin. Made in his own lab. Fe'Tor's got the most sensitive nose in the business."
Chiana is still sitting on Fe'Tor's lap. Jool is lying on the floor at his feet.
Jool gasps and sits up: "What am I missing?"
Fe'Tor: "Nothing. Here." He holds out the bottle of blue Freslin towards her.
[Flash scene: The hooded woman turns a knob and watches a new batch of Freslin drip out of the tubes...gold this time.]
Fe'Tor: "Wonderful, isn't it?"
Jool gasps: "Yah." She leans onto Fe'Tor.
Fe'Tor: "Now. Will you do anything for me?"
Jool: "I'll do anything for you."
Fe'Tor laughs as he strokes Jool's hair.
Raxil: "I think Fe'Tor wants your females for more than just...you know."
John, seemingly quite drunk: "What. Does he want them for?"
Fe'Tor is leading Jool down a corridor The walls are white with red mazes drawn on them. Jool has her eyes squeezed shut and a big grin on her face.
Fe'Tor: "No peeking. Can you smell it?" He inhales deeply and so does Jool.
Fe'Tor: "Just breathe it in."
Raxil: "Well, the base element of Freslin is found in the senal gland of sentient beings."
John: "Oh, you mean, like, in people?"
Raxil: "Yah. Fe'Tor's got a machine that milks this gland. And...and when there's a lot of demand, well sometimes he'll milk them until they die."
Fe'Tor: "You'll love it." Jool laughs. Fe'Tor leads her into the room with the hooded woman and the red sculpture.
Jool: "Can I open my eyes yet?"
Fe'Tor: "Mm hmm."
Jool opens her eyes and sees the sculpture: "Ohh. Wow!"
John: "Why did you not tell us this earlier?"
D'Argo screams. He falls over a table and crashes with it to the floor. He jumps up and twirls from side to side until he spots John and stops.
D'Argo: "John!" He is breathing very heavily. "These people....will not dance with me. No one wants to dance."
John: "No! Go away. Oh, oh." He points: "Look at the booty on that girl."
D'Argo looks where John is pointing: "The booty?"
John: "Whoo hoo!"
D'Argo smiles and staggers off: "Sweetie pie."
Raxil: "I should have told you everything, but I was scared. Fe'Tor's dangerous."
John: "If Fe'Tor is so dangerous, why help us at all?"
Raxil: "My mate, Sul, he's with Fe'Tor."
The blond man is lying on a couch by the sculpture. Jool is looking at him and nervously laughing.
Jool: "He doesn't look very well."
Raxil: "I mean, he's tall. He's good-looking. I mean, look at me, I'm a nothing. I tried to warn him, but... I'm telling you everything because, when you save your females, I want you to save Sul."
[Flash scene of the second man in black, crossing the dance floor. A bell rings.]
John: "Isn't that the guy that was with Fe'Tor last night?"
Raxil: "Yah. That's Mitols...his right-hand shill."
John: "Well he could probably get us in to see the girls, couldn't he?"
Raxil: "Course he can, but he's never gonna tell ya."
John: "Keep D'Argo busy. I've got some business."
John gets up and walks over to Mitols and sits down next to him.
John: "How ya doin? Man, were you here last night? Was that wild, or what?"
[Flash scene of Jool doing a tumbling run to cheers and applause.]
Mitols: "I drink alone."
John: "Yah, I'm not really uh....interested in drinking either...um.. I'm looking for some (whispers) Freslin. And I heard that you were the guy to see."
The hooded woman closes the doors to the room.
Fe'Tor: "You like the Freslin?"
Jool looks around at all the tubes and equipment: "Oh. I...uh..." She notices what looks like fur covered chains laying on a table by the control box.
Fe'Tor: "Shhh."
Jool: "I...."
Fe'Tor: "Trust me." He puts his hand over her mouth.
Jool's screams are stifled by his hand.
He pushes her back onto the sculpture: "It only hurts the first time."
Mitols turns to John and smiles:"Go away."
John laughs: "Okay, let me give you something. Look, I am loaded with currency. And I'm lookin for something a little special and this is the only crap that I've been able to find." (he holds up a small tube). "And, ah... Kabaah told me that you were the guy to see to get some really serious dren."
The hooded woman watches a new batch of Freslin drip out of the tubes, gold this time. Jool is sobbing in the background. Fe'Tor holds a tiny bottle of gold liquid under his nose momentarily. Then he walks over to the sculpture where Jool is imprisoned, tubes running out from all over, under her clothes, and looks at her.
[Pilot's voice: "If they drained that much fluid from her, Crichton, she would be dead." John's voice: "Shut up and let me tell my story."]
Fe'Tor: "You really must relax. Struggle only makes it more painful. Hmm?" He waves the bottle of gold liquid under Jool's nose: "Hmm. That's you you're ingesting."
Mitols:"Kabaah sent you? Why didn't you say so?"
John: "I just did."
Mitols: "Apex of the moon tonight. Fe'Tor's chamber. Know where it is?"
John: "I'll find it."
Mitols nods. He slides a stone across the table to John: "We're auctioning some incredible dren. This'll get you in."
Jool is sobbing louder. Fe'Tor nods at the hooded woman and she turns up the knob on the control.
Jool screams.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
D'Argo is looking into a round glass window, outside Kabaah's.
D'Argo: "My frelling head is killing me from that spray, you little trelk!"
John: "D'Argo. You can kill her later. Right now we gotta get the girls outa Fe'Tor's."
D'Argo:"So what are we doing here?"
Raxil: "Cause I'm gonna help ya, see." John walks past the second window, where Raxil is, and waves at Kabaah.
Raxil: "I'm gonna make you a sorta disguise."
John enters Kabaah's rooms: "Hey! Hammerhead. How you doin? I'm back for some home video."
Kabaah: "Get out! Get out!"
John walks up and grabs Kabaah by the throat: "I don't think so. I need to see into Fe'Tor's compound."
Kabaah: "No. I won't help you against him."
John: "Yes, you will, or I'm gonna snap your head off. Now, I'm gonna see the compound layout. You're gonna show it to me. I don't care if it's empty, but you're gonna show it to me now."
John and D'Argo are standing together, inside the empty compound.
Kabaah: "This is the auction room." John and D'Argo each have a tentacle stuck in their eye.
John and D'Argo look around at the walls, windows, etc. of the auction room.
John: "Not bad. All it needs is a big screen tv."
Suddenly....
Harvey: "Ka D'Argo!"
D'Argo turns towards the voice and hisses.
John: "No. It's okay. That's, uh, that's Harvey...it's not Scorpy. He's a pooka. He's... he's not real."
Harvey: "But thanks to our unique shared consciousness in this situation, we finally get to meet. Ka D'Argo." Harvey is gleefully rubbing his hands together. He holds out his hand: "Give me five!"
D'Argo just stares. John slaps his hand: "Go away."
D'Argo: "I've had some wierd conversations in my head before, but this is a little...."
John: "Yah, I know. Hey look, Harvey just shows up every now and then to give me bad advice."
Harvey: "And my suggestion to you both, is to forget this folly. But, since I know you won't ...." He points up over D'Argo's shoulder: "Circuit breakers. For the entire subterranean level. Darkness may be of assistance to you. "
D'Argo: "You know what? I think that's not a bad idea."
Harvey: "And the milking room you seek?" Harvey drums on his chest: "Ahh! Down the hallway."
John: "Kabaah! Show us the milking room."
John and D'Argo appear in the doorway of an empty milking room. All the tubes are hanging slack and the red sculpture sits empty.
John: "Raxil, what is that thing?"
In Kabaah's...
Raxil puts one of Kabaah's tentacles to her eye: "That's where they drain the bodies to make the Freslin."
D'Argo: "Pleasure planet, my mivonks."
Inside the 3-D compound....
John: "We better count the steps in here."
John, standing with a tentacle in his eye:"One."
John and D'Argo in the hallway, together: "Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.."
John, alone: "nine, ten."
D'Argo sighs.
John: "Ten steps."
D'Argo: "Uh, eight steps."
John: "Ten."
In Kabaah's...
D'Argo: "Eight. Small legs, human."
Waves crashing against the rocks; above is Fe'Tor's compound. In the sunroom, Chiana wakes to find herself all alone.
Chiana: "Ow!" She puts her hand on top of her head and looks around: "Jool? Jool!" She goes looking for her and finds herself in a white hallway with red mazes on the walls.
Chiana: "Jool?"
Fe'Tor comes up behind her: "Something wrong?"
Chiana: "No! No..no, I was just trying to find Jool. We should really be going."
Fe'Tor:"You really are quite beautiful." He takes her head in his hands and smells her hair.
Chiana: "Yeah. Where's Jool?"
Fe'Tor: "Don't be scared. Everything's alright."
D'Argo is pacing by Kabaah's window while Raxil works on something
D'Argo: "No. I will not go to Fe'Tor's auction. He knows what I look like, so I won't get in."
Raxil: "I'll get you in."
D'Argo: "And you're not spraying me with that stuff. I'm not spending the rest of my life on the dance floor doing something..."
Raxil: "This Freslin will be different."
D'Argo: "No! You are not..."
Raxil, screams: "Shut up! Just shut up! I did not do everything, plan everything, so you could back out now!"
D'Argo: "Did you say plan?" D'Argo comes after Raxil.
Raxil is busy backing away from him: "No, no, no. I don't mean plan, I make a plan, like, like, like plan something, you know..."
D'Argo shouts: "Did you say plan?"
Raxil: "No, no, no, no, no, I didn't mean that, no, no..."
John comes in carrying stuff: "I got everything from the transport pod. Two pulse pistols, a pair of night-vision goggles, two hundred thousand in tiles so we can buy any....Freslin we want...uh, What did I miss?"
Raxil: "Two guns? You brought just two guns?
D'Argo: "This little rodent has been lying to us. She said that she planned all this. "
Raxil: "Two guns?" She is totally incredulous. "I mean, I thought you were the great Crichton and D'Argo."
[Flash scene: John and D'Argo, walking down a corridor in Moya, high-five each other.]
Raxil: "I mean, you blew up a shadow depository."
[Flash scene of the shadow depository blowing up.] "I mean, I thought you'd bring Pelshfer charges, [Flash scene of an really bright explosion.] and a plasma bomb, [Flash scene of D'Argo and Crichton holding hands while drifting in space over the oil moon, as an explosion rips the face of the moon.] and a really big gun ship [Flash scene of a PK Command Carrier surrounded by smaller fighters.], but no! You bring nothing. You bring two little weapons that wouldn't kill a negnek!" [Flash scene of a slimy creature with a huge eye.]
D'Argo: "You have heard of us?"
Raxil: "Yeah. I've heard stories, but obviously they aren't worth a bucket of dren."
Chiana is at the door to the milking room. It stands open just a crack. Fe'Tor opens it the rest of the way, so Chiana can see in.
Chiana: "What the frell've you done to her? Get her out of that thing, you fekik!" She runs over to where Jool is tied to the sculpture and hooked up to the tubes. Chiana tries to unhook a tube.
Fe'Tor comes over to stand by her: "Chiana. She's not in any pain. "
Chiana: "Jool."
Fe'Tor: "Don't worry." He picks up a tiny bottle of the gold Freslin and holds it out to her: "Eh? Here."
Chiana swings her arm and knocks the bottle out of his hand. It falls to the floor and shatters.
Chiana: "Enough with the dren."
Fe'Tor, obviously angry: "You really shouldn't waste the taste." He grabs Chiana by the hair: "Now I'll let your friend rest, but I need to replace her with a new animal."
Raxil: "Now I knew Fe'Tor wouldn't bother your females while you were in the bar, so I paid the bloomin green girls to get you out of the way."
[Flash scene: of D'Argo with a 'feathered' alien, drinking and laughing.] D'Argo tries to attack Raxil but John grabs him and holds him back.
John: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You let Fe'Tor kidnap Chiana and Jool?"
Fe'Tor is holding onto Chiana. She tries to get away but he grabs her again. He backhands her with his fist and knocks her unconscious. She falls to the floor with her head beside the spilled Freslin and broken bottle.
Raxil:" No, I didn't help him. I just created a situation where everyone..."
John starts to attack Raxil but D'Argo grabs him and stops him.
John: "Is there anything else you're not telling us?"
Raxil: "Nothing. Nothing. I promise."
D'Argo: "This little trelk has been lying to us all along, so what I suggest is..."
D'Argo gets right up to Raxil and grabs the front of her tunic. She sprays him in the face with Freslin.
D'Argo: "Arghhh!"
[Flash scene of a bleary-eyed D'Argo following a green-haired female alien on the dance floor.] "Not again!" D'Argo pulls back his hand to hit her.
Raxil: "Please don't hit me! Please don't hit me!"
D'Argo hits her in the nose. Raxil: "Ahh!"
She puts both hands up to her face and falls to the floor. She gets right up, holding one hand to her nose.
Raxil: "All right. You can hit me just once! Just once!"
Kabaah: "Hellooo."
John:"What!"
Kabaah: "I've got a live connection. The Nebari..."
John: "Chiana!"
Kabaah: "They've begun milking her."
John grabs Kabaah by the throat again and grabs a tentacle.
Kabaah: "I think you're going to be too late."
Chiana is on the sculpture. There is some strange 'techno' music and the sculpture revolves so that we can see Fe'Tor. He is almost hugging her, sculpture and all. He inhales deeply. He looks over at the collection beaker and the hooded woman lifts out an eye-dropper full of white Freslin. Jool is lying face-down on a low couch nearby. John is watching. The hooded woman puts the drop of white Freslin onto Fe'Tor's gloved palm. He smells it and gasps.
Fe'Tor, whispers: "I was right. You're exceptional. Would you like a taste?" He holds his hand up near Chiana's mouth and nose. She just stares fixedly ahead as though she hasn't heard him.
Fe'Tor tells the hooded woman: "Drain as much as you can." Fe'Tor leaves.
Woman: "Without damaging her value, of course."
John is still watching the tentacle scene: "D'Argo, you should check this out. D'Argo?"
John turns his head and sees someone else in the 3-D vision. John rips the tentacle off his eye and jumps back. He sees that the strange creature he saw through the tentacle is standing next to him with a tentacle to its eye.
John: "Who the hell...?"
Raxil comes and stands beside the creature. It is tall and has insect like antennae on top of its head and pointed mandible like projections hanging from its chin. It has large, protruding ears and long, dark hair. Its eye sockets look like moths' wings and its clothing is a dark brown leather, with fringe on the epaulets.
Raxil: "Oh, you know. The Freslin I sprayed him with radiates his pheromones outwards and creates an aura morph, so we all see D'Argo like this. I made him very attractive, don't you think?"
D'Argo: "What are you talking about?"
John: "D'Argo?"
END OF ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
John is chewing on one of the straws from his drink.
Pilot: "Enough! Even I am not so gullible as to believe that D'Argo turned into another creature! I do not appreciate the lies you tell in order to circumvent..."
John: "Whoa! Ho.. hold on....How long we known each other?"
Pilot: "Approximately two and a half long cycles."
John: "I ever lie to you? Hmm? Hmm?"
Pilot sort of pulls his head down further into his neck but doesn't say anything.
John: "D'Argo looked totally different."
John is pushing the 'new' D'Argo along, with Raxil following.
D'Argo: "Look at myself in the mirror. I....." He gasps!
[Flash scene: the scene of D'Argo seeing himself in the mirror freezes for a second, as Pilot says...]
Pilot: "And, why does he not look that way now?"
John: "Metabolism? Look man! It....Let me...Can I please tell the story the way I want to tell it?
There is a hooded and masked guard standing by a wall, holding what appears to be a machine gun.
Fe'Tor and the hooded woman are walking down a hallway near the guard. The ceiling is mirrored.
Hooded Woman: "Mitols is almost ready for the Nebari. What should I do about the other one?"
Fe'Tor: "Ring curls?"
[Flash scene of Jool on the sculpture, with tubes coming out of her. She is jerking around, almost like a seizure.] "Drain til failure. She would only spoil the program." Fe'Tor goes past the guard to stand where he can see people filing into the compound. There is organ music playing. He sees John approach the head of the line. John puts the pink rock that Mitols gave him down on a small table with a bunch of other pink rocks. A guard puts a drop of liquid on it and it begins to bubble. John looks up from the smoking rock, straight at Fe'Tor.
Fe'Tor: "I am your host. But names are not important. Only currency."
John smiles and speaks with his 'good 'ol boy' accent: "Well son, I'm yer buyer and ah, money ain't important to me..." he tosses a leather bag at Fe'Tor "only quality." John makes a clicking noise: "Know what Ah mean?"
[Flash scene of John getting punched in the eye and falling backwards with a hand over his eye.] Fe'Tor: "You've come to the right auction then." He tosses John's bag back to him. "May I suggest...the Nebari?
[Flash scene of Chiana being hung by the wrists from a metal frame.] "The finest I've ever tasted."
John: "Right." He walks in, past Fe'Tor. Raxil hunches over and tries to slip in behind John, but Fe'Tor spots her.
Fe'Tor: "Raxil? Alive still." Fe'Tor glances over to see that John is watching all this with interest. "I thought you'd given the Freslin trade away, after your disaster on Elepuria."
Raxil: "Well, yeah, I did, let me tell yah, but, ah, things change."[Flash scene of Raxil in the milking room, kissing something she is holding and scurrying away.] She hurries after John.
D'Argo starts to walk past Fe'Tor: "Enjoy. Bid high." Fe'Tor grabs his arm.
Fe'Tor: "Excuse me. Do I know you?"
[Flash scene of D'Argo in the sunroom, fighting with Fe'Tor's guards.]
D'Argo: "Uh..."
A woman who was behind him in line comes up to D'Argo: "Hi!" She puts her hand out and touches his sleeve. He smiles and watches as she walks past.
D'Argo:"Ohhh. I, uh, I doubt it. I've become ah, a new man recently."
[Flash scene: At Kabaah's, the 'new' D'Argo is standing by Raxil: "I made him very attractive."] D'Argo:"Ooh!" He walks into the auction. There is a small crowd of people standing facing a raised platform. Mitols is in the center and, off to the side, there is a metal frame with someone hung from it by their wrists.
Mitols announces: "Fifteen thousand on my right. Have I any further bids?" A bell rings. "Sixteen thousand. Sixteen thousand on my left. There. Any further bids? Going once, twice, three times. Are you all done? Sixteen thousand. Sold for sixteen thousand brandars." There is a smattering of applause. John and D'Argo find Raxil upstairs at a rail. They each grab one of her arms and pull her backwards to the opposing wall, away from the crowd.
John, in a whisper: "You traded Freslin?"
[Flash scene of Raxil dancing around in glee, in the milking room.]
Raxil: "Wait, wait, wait, wait. Years ago. Never killed anybody. None of it."
D'Argo: "None of it, my ass." D'Argo and John pull her back over to the rail.
Raxil: "No, no, no, no, no. My point is, you must calm down. Increased oxigenation hastens the metabolism of the Freslin."
John: "It's gonna wear off?"
Raxil: "Not for a while. Not if he stays calm."
[Flash scene:D'Argo throws back his head and yells.]
Raxil: "Calm. Anger bad."
John: "D'Argo, be cool, man. We buy the girls, Raxil's mate if we can. No guns, no killing..."
[Flash scene of auction patrons running and screaming.] "and we're outa here."
Meanwhile, on the stage, a man has been taken down from the metal frame and is given to a woman in a floppy hat.
D'Argo: "I'll watch you from up here."
The organ plays a fanfare.
Mitols: "Distinguished friends. We now come to the sale you've been waiting for. I present the olfactory genius...Hesca Fe'Tor."
The crowd applauds as Fe'Tor comes out onto the stage. He has something cupped in his hands which he appears to smell, then tosses into the air at them, like rose petals. Meanwhile, Chiana is being half-guided, half-carried to the metal frame by a guard.
John: "Does this guy just scream "Vegas" or what?"
[Flash scene: The music and Fe'Tor both run backwards. Mitols announces:"Hesca Fe'Tor." and Fe'Tor enters. He has something cupped in his hands which he appears to smell and then tosses at them like rose petals.]
Fe'Tor: "Friends. Welcome. Thank you for coming at such short notice. "(Chiana is being hung from the metal frame by her wrists.) "What a fine auction this will be. May I present to you..... (he turns and points, much like a ringmaster as the organ music swells) Chiana!"
[Flash scene of Fe'Tor giving Chiana her first whiff of Freslin, in the bar.]
D'Argo growls and grimaces. Raxil whispers: "Metabolism, Luxan." D'Argo watches.
Fe'Tor: "Bidding starts at twenty-five thousand."
A man with a white ruffle on his shirt and multi-colored ruffles on his sleeves holds up a green lighted ball: "Twenty-five thousand." A woman holds up a white ball: "Thirty thousand." Fe'Tor smiles and nods. Chiana is hanging by her wrists, her eyes half closed. We hear a man say: "Forty thousand." And another woman: "Fifty thousand." With each bid, a small bell rings. "Fifty-five thousand." "Sixty thousand."
The man with the ruffled shirt raises his green ball: "Eighty-five thousand."
Fe'Tor: "What a wonderful bid, Hesca Tin'Arco." Fe'Tor holds out his arms: "Are there any others?" The music sounds like a clock ticking. Fe'Tor: "No?"
John: "One hundred and twenty-five thousand." He walks through the crowd and tosses his bag against the steps.
Hesca Tin'Arco: "One hundred and thirty."
[Flash scene of John pulling his pulse pistol and pointing it at Hesca Tin'Arco as he holds Chiana.]
John: "If you don't mind, I'd like to take a closer look at the carcass."
Fe'Tor: "Be my guest."
The music takes on the aspect of a clock ticking as John crosses the stage to the frame. D'Argo, above at the railing, moves with him.
John walks up to face Chiana and whispers to her: "Hey Pip. Can you hear me?"
A woman who is also standing at the railing notices D'Argo and smiles. She moves over to stand next to him, but Raxil gets inbetween them and pushes her: "Go away."
Chiana whispers: "What took you so long?"
[Flash scene of Fe'Tor being kicked in the face.]
John turns back to the crowd: "One hundred and fifty thousand." The organ swells.
Fe'Tor looks at Hesca Tin'Arco, who raises the green ball: "One hundred fifty-one."
Fe'Tor turns back to John.
[Flash scene: John pulls his pulse pistol on Hesca Tin'Arco who is holding Chiana.][Flash scene: John pulls his pulse pistol on Hesca Tin'Arco who is holding Chiana, and shoots up into the balcony.]
John: "You mind cuttin this heifer down so I can take a closer look?"
Fe'Tor gestures to the guard. The guard unchains Chiana who staggers over to John. He wraps his arms around her waist, holding her upright.
D'Argo sniffs and looks unhappy, watching this.
John nuzzles Chiana's neck, from side to side, as he whispers: "Where's Jool?"
Chiana, under her breath: "Milking room." Again, the music is ticking the microts.
D'Argo turns away. He is disturbed and he growls.
Raxil, very quietly: "What, what, what, what? Is she yours?"
D'Argo: "Used to be."
Raxil:
"No, you've got Freslin boiling over. Everything of yours way out of whack. What's goin on down there, that's an act. He's just pretending to be a buyer."
John: "One hundred and seventy-five ."
Fe'Tor turns to Hesca Tin'Arco, who again holds up his green ball: "Two-fifty. One quarter million brandars."
Fe'Tor applauds. So does Mitols and some of the crowd. John looks up at D'Argo and Raxil and sniffs.
[Flash scene: John and D'Argo are listening to Harvey who says: "Circuit breakers. The entire subterranean level.]
John: "I can double that bid if you can give me some more time."
Fe'Tor: " No more time. Currency on hand. Top the bid now, or step aside."[Flash scene of Fe'Tor coming up behind John with a garrote, putting it over his head and pulling it as John struggles.]John takes the bidding ball out of his pocket and holds it out to Fe'Tor.
[Flash scene of Harvey drumming on his chest and throwing his arms out to his sides] Fe'Tor takes the ball from John who then hands him Chiana. She puts her arms around his neck and holds on to keep from falling. John picks up his bag from the floor and leaves the stage.
Fe'Tor throws out an arm: "Sold, to Hesca Tin'Arco, for two hundred and fifty thousand brandars."
Hesca Tin'Arco comes up onto the stage and Fe'Tor hands Chiana over to him.
D'Argo growls and leaves the railing. He goes downstairs and meets John
[Flash scene of John nuzzling Chiana's arm.] coming off the auction floor.
D'Argo shouts: "Did you have to caress her whole body?" He shoves John in the chest with both hands.
John: "Oh, for cryin' out loud..."
Raxil: "Just the Freslin. It makes him, you know."
John: "Shut up."
D'Argo:"Shut up."
Mitols looks up from the auction floor where he is at a table, having a drink, when he hears them arguing.
John: "Listen up, Mr. Horny Toad. Jool is still in the milking room. I'm gonna hit the lights and get Chiana."
D'Argo: "Good, good, good, good."[Flash scene: Hesca Tin'Arco takes Chiana in his arms.]"Ah, we'll get Jool....and her mate,"
[Flash scene of Jool in a bathtub. Sul is by her head and she is laughing.] "And then we'll wait."
John: "And remember, ten steps down the hall."
[Flash scene of the hallway. White walls with red mazes on them.] D'Argo: "Eight steps, human."
John gives the bag to Raxil and walks past them: "Don't do anything till I get the lights."
[Flash scene of D'Argo hitting one of Fe'Tor's guards.]
D'Argo: "No, no. Yeah, the lights."
[Flash scene of sparks flying out of the circuit breaker box. One of Fe'Tor's guards is standing nearby, with a machine gun.]"Good."
[Flash scene of Raxil spraying Freslin.]D'Argo seems to be hearing himself laugh.
[Flash scene of D'Argo on the dance floor with a 'feathered' alien.]He turns and roars. He grabs Raxil. [Flash scene of Jool being 'milked'.][Flash scene of Chiana hanging by her wrists from the metal frame.] "This is all your fault!"
[Flash scene of D'Argo on the dance floor.]
[Flash scene of Mitols pointing a gun at D'Argo.]
[Flash scene of D'Argo fighting Fe'Tor's guards in the sunroom.]
[Flash scene of D'Argo crawling over a scantily clad John, in a round window.]
[Flash scene of a hand in a ruffled cuff holding up a green, lighted ball. A bell rings.]
D'Argo: "If you hadn't bribed those women in the bar.."
[Flash scene of the two 'feathered' aliens.]
Raxil: "Easy, Luxan!"
D'Argo:"..then....then...."
Raxil: "Easy!"
D'Argo screams and begins changing back into his normal appearance. (This is also visible above him, in the mirrored ceiling.)
Mitols: "It's the Luxan! Security, move!"
John is running downstairs as he hears this.
D'Argo: "Frell."
Fe'Tor's hooded and masked guards move in on D'Argo. He grabs the first one to arrive and uses his gun to shoot at two who are at the other end of the balcony. Down below, the auction patrons are running and screaming. John has reached the bottom of the stairs. Fe'Tor starts towards the stairs and D'Argo. D'Argo uses the gun one more time, then tosses aside the guard he was holding. He grabs Raxil and pulls her away. John walks onto the stage. He pulls his pulse pistol and points it at Hesca Tin'Arco, who is holding Chiana. John: "Raise you fiddy dollars." He raises the pulse pistol and shoots the circuit breaker. Sparks fly out of the circuit breaker at a guard who is standing there.
The hooded woman is in the milking room, where Jool is unconscious on the sculpture. The room lights begin pulsating.
D'Argo and Raxil come down the stairs from the balconey, D'Argo blasting away with the guard's gun. On the stage, Hesca Tin'Arco is still holding Chiana, and John is still shooting at the circuit breaker. The lights go out, and John puts on the night-vision goggles. With them, he can see Chiana struggling with Hesca Tin'Arco. John: "Chiana?" John and D'Argo are both shooting guards. John walks over and grabs Chiana who has just managed to break free from Hesca Tin'Arco. We see John shoot several more guards, then it goes completely black.
Raxil's voice: "No, no. That's not right."
D'Argo: "It's eight."
Raxil: "No, no. He said ten."
D'Argo: "Shut up. I know what I'm talking about. It's eight. You're making me loose my place!" We begin to get flashes of D'Argo and Raxil, as if in a strobe light. "Eight! Eight! Shut up!"
Raxil: "You're wrong. "
D'Argo runs into something in the dark: "Arghhh!" There is a loud thud.
In the milking room, the hooded woman looks towards the door when she hears the noises.
D'Argo: "Okay. Ten."
John is still trying to get Chiana out of the auction room. We can see the flashes when he shoots. Fe'Tor is returning to the main floor from the balcony. He slips on the bottom step as he comes down. John is hitting gurards left and right. Chiana lets out one of her patented "war whoop" trills!
As she hears the door opening, the hooded woman picks up a gun she had lying on the table with the beakers and controls. She runs over and hides behind the sculpture. D'Argo and Raxil hurry over to where Jool is chained. As D'Argo walks up, the hooded woman jumps up and says: "Drop your weapon." D'Argo growls and tongues her.
Fe'Tor is creeping down the hallway towards the milking room.
D'Argo touches Jool's arm: "Jool. Are you okay?" She looks at him, but doesn't respond. D'Argo glances over and sees the blond man who is lying on the couch.
D'Argo: "Who's that?"
Raxil: "That's my mate. He's dead." Sul's eyes are open and staring, and there is blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth.
John and Chiana have managed to escape the main auction room and go down a flight of stairs to another subterranean level. John sweeps the room with his gun, but all he sees (with his night-vision goggles) is the green shapes of fallen guards.
D'Argo has picked up Jool and is carrying her out of the milking room, into the maze corridor. Jool has her arms around his neck and is crying.
Jool: "D'Argo! Save me!" Some light has returned to the corridor.
D'Argo: "Crichton!"
John: "D'Argo!" They can see each other as John and Chiana round the corner into the maze corridor.
John: "Where's Raxil?"
D'Argo gestures: "In there. The mate is dead."
John: "Right. Meet you in the pod."
John and Chiana pass D'Argo and Jool and go into the milking room.
John: "Raxil!"
When they come in, Raxil jumps up from behind the table and picks up a clear piece of plastic. She waves it at John and Chiana: "This is my honey! The brains to the machine." She kisses it. "My design. He stole it, sold it. Fe'Tor didn't even know it was mine."
John and Chiana look at each other.
Raxil is laughing and dancing around in glee, holding up the clear piece of plastic.
Raxil: "Worth a fortune. Hoaw, hoaw, hoaw, hoaw."
She runs between Chiana and John and out of the room, still laughing manically.
Chiana: "How's your neck?"
John: "It's fine. I don't mind stickin it out for ya."
Chiana reaches up and takes off his goggles: "You don't want these broken."
John: "You okay?"
Chiana: "Yeah."
John: "Good." Chiana runs out of the milking room, taking John's goggles with her.
John looks around, sees nothing: "Wierd." He turns back towards the door.
We hear a blow being struck and see a fist hit him in his right eye, where the goggle had been just microts ago. John puts his hand over his eye and falls backwards. Fe'Tor comes at him and hits him in the face again. Once, twice. John gets spun around and Fe'Tor comes up behind him and puts a garrote over his head. He pulls it tight as John struggles.
Fe'Tor whispers: "You ruined everything."
John reaches down to his belt and pulls his pulse pistol He holds it up and Fe'Tor knocks it aside. When he does, he looses his grip on the garrote and John twists loose and hits him with an uppercut to the jaw. Fe'Tor falls backwards and lets go of John. John gets up and spins around. By the time he is facing Fe'Tor, Fe'Tor has retrieved the pulse pistol and is pointing it at him.
Fe'Tor: "Scretuk."
Chiana squeals. We see her pick up a large beaker of gold Freslin.
Chiana: "You smell....exotic." She heaves the contents of the beaker onto Fe'Tor. and into his face. As the drug begins to affect him, Fe'Tor screams and crumples to the floor. Chiana goes over to him, screams and kicks him with an audible thud.
Fe'Tor is moaning and writhing on the floor. Chiana picks up a smaller flask of gold Freslin and kneels beside his head.
Chiana: "Smell this." She holds Fe'Tor's mouth open and starts to pour Freslin into it. She smiles as he chokes and gags, spitting some out. When the flask is empty, she drops it on the floor.
Chiana: "Neck still okay?"
John feels his neck: "Yah."
Chiana smiles at him: "I knew it." She uses John's hand to get up off the floor. "Sad thing is, he's gonna die happy." Chiana runs out of the room, running her hands through the hanging tubes, as she passes them.
John looks down at the three bodies lying on the floor. He steps over the hooded woman and stumbles out.
Fe'Tor moves his head and makes some noises. He smiles and his eyes glaze over. He stops moving.
END OF ACT FOUR
EPILOGUE
Moya is flying peacefully over a planet. In Pilot's den...
John: "And that is what it was all about. Raxil....she was gittin her chip back, and she used us. She used us man, so it is not our fault." John takes another drink through a straw.
Pilot: "I don't believe you." John looks up from his drink. Pilot sighs.
John: "Why not?"
Pilot: "Too many inconsistencies. Too much obfuscation."
John: "Obfuscation? How the hell does that translate? Fine, you know ..? Look. You don't want to believe me? Go ask the girls."
Pilot: "Chiana and Jool are stilling sleeping off whatever it is they did, and I'm not inclined to wake them."
John: "Pilot, I don't think you've understood me. Let me just start again."
[Flash scene of John, in a round window, discovering that he is clad only in a t-shirt, shorts and black net stockings. He screams!]
Pilot: "Crichton! No!"
John stops in mid stream.
Pilot: "I have located another planet nearby...industrial. Comms traffic indicates they have accomodations for visitors." John kind of squirms in his seat.
Pilot: "You and D'Argo are to be visitors. Pack what you need. We shall return for you in eight solar days."
John: "Pilot.....it was real."
Pilot: "Perhaps....John. However, Moya and I desire time away from your constant bickering and this venture, however embellished, does not alleviate that need."
John shakes his head, reaches towards Pilot, sighs, rubs his face and finally rests his face in his hand.
Pilot: "Get out of here."
John: "Okay." He jumps down from the console and walks over to where D'Argo is standing near the door.
John turns back towards Pilot and points at him: "You know, you really should get out more. These things do happen."
Pilot shakes his head and moans.
John comes up to D'Argo.
D'Argo: "What? He didn't believe you?"
John: "No."
D'Argo: "Well, what was that thing about a slim duck?"
John: "Slam dunk."
D'Argo: "Whatever. It doesn't matter. He's throwing us off Moya."
John: "Yah, well, you wanta give it a go?" John gestures back towards Pilot who glances up at them and growls.
D'Argo: "No."
John: "See? I did my best."
D'Argo: "Your best was to blow it."
John: "I did...my best."
D'Argo: "Well, you blew it."
We hear music begin to play....
John: "D'Argo, he's kicking us off Moya because we argue."
...... Doooo, shoo bop, doooo, shoo bop.....
D'Argo: "He's kicking us off Moya because You argue."
John: "No, We argue."
D'Argo: "You argue."
John: "We."
D'Argo: "You."
John: "We."
D'Argo: "You argue."
John: "We argue."
They go to the closed door....
John: "You would argue with a lamp post."
D'Argo: "I do not! Open the door."
John: "You open the door."
D'Argo: "You open it."
John: "What, are you a girl? I have to open the door for you?"
D'Argo: "I'm older than you, show some respect."
John: "You can open the door. I'm not opening the door."
D'Argo: "You open it."
Moya is flying peacefully away from the planet.
The "Doooo, shoo bop.." music continues through the credits.
END OF EPILOGUE
