Air Date: August 16, 2002
Written by Emily Skopov
Directed by Ian Watson
Transcript by Xenajules2
Edited and put on-line by Bluey
Episode 4.10 - Coup by Clam
Previously on Farscape (voice of Chiana):
Scene One: from "Natural Election", John and Aeryn are talking in the atmospheric chamber. John: "A relationship is based on trust." Aeryn: "I didn't want to tell you about the pregnancy until I was sure." John: "Sure you were pregnant... or sure who the father was?"
Scene Two: from "I Shrink Therefore I Am", Pilot: "In view of the continuing danger we face in Peacekeeper space, I'm... reluctantly forced to consider traveling into Tormented Space." John is with Pilot, in his den. Aeryn sits alone in a corridor. John: "Can't be as bad as some of the places we've been lately." Aeryn: "It can."
Scene Three: from "Promises", Scorpius stands behind an obviously sweating Aeryn. John has his pulse pistol pointed at them. Chiana (heard, but not seen): "What's he doin here?" Aeryn: "He wants asylum." John: "Asylum?" Aeryn: "I gave my word... that he would not be harmed."
Scene Four: from "Promises", Sikozu peeks through the crack in Scorpius' cell door. Sikozu: "Why did you come here?" Scorpius: "To safeguard John Crichton..." Scorpius peers down the corridor. "... amongst other things."
Scene Five: from "I Shrink Therefore I Am", John is standing in the cargo bay, holding a gun. D'Argo comms: "Can you trust Scorpius?" John: "More today than yesterday. Why?"
Scene Six: Moya flies towards a planet.
And now, on Farscape...
Moya floats above a rocky, ugly chunk that may be a planet.
Inside, a cargo bay has been set up for a banquet, like a buffet. Noranti, D'Argo Aeryn and Rygel are seated, eating. Sikozu is rapidly snatching items from the table and plopping them onto her plate. Something rolls off, onto the floor, but she ignores it.
Noranti: "Highly abnormal."
Rygel: "Ughh! Even I can't eat that much."
D'Argo: "Is that really your third helping?"
Noranti: "Highly abnormal."
Sikozu: "Highly effective."
Aeryn: "So, the advantages of only eating ten times a cycle are...?"
Sikozu: "Not eating all the other times."
D'Argo stops eating momentarily, as his face flushes a bright purple.
Noranti does the same, as she also turns purple.
Pilot comms: "Captain?"
Pilot: "Moya has asked me to once again convey..."
D'Argo interrupts: "Okay, stop right there. We're aware that you think this planet is a pit... an outpost of nothing."
Rygel: "Their food's overcooked, undercooked and not worth cooking. Makes Noranti's food seem edible."
Aeryn: "Pilot... how bad is it?"
Pilot: "Without additional zyntian filtration, the electrostatic impulses from surrounding radiation sources will drive her mad. Moya has not had peaceful rest since we entered the Tormented space."
D'Argo: "This is the only planet we've found whose mechanics are aware of Leviathans."
Rygel stuffs some strings of green slime into his mouth. Aeryn tips her head back and slurps some of the green stuff as well. Rygel and Aeryn both flush a sickly green.
D'Argo: "They can get the job done."
Pilot: "But when, Captain?"
Sikozu: "When their doctor certifies that none of us has space madness."
An odd looking alien is wiping some kind of tool with a rag. He has long, grey hair held back by a headband. There is something sticking out of the top of his head that looks like an antenna of sorts. He has a rather large pot belly. There are several things on a small table in front of him. He breathes loudly on the tool and wipes it some more.
John walks into the room, followed by Scorpius. The doctor turns to look at them. John stops and gestures Scorpius to enter ahead of him.
John: "After you."
The doctor points at Scorpius as he walks towards him: "He has already certified free of... uh, transmissible celestial dementia?"
John: "We're callin it space madness."
Doctor: "Scarran ancestry, however, disqualifies visitation to Khurtanan."
Scorpius looks at him and growls softly.
John gestures "out" with his thumb: "Hit the road."
Scorpius leaves, still growling. John walks over and sits on the edge of an examining table.
John: "Space invader."
The doctor touches John's shoulders: "Stillness." The doctor has a high squeaky voice. He fits what looks like a measurement device over the top of John's head.
John: "I'm sure that Pilot told you that Moya's hull protects us from radiation?"
Doctor: "Good." He removes the measuring device. "Space madness is so feared on this planet that there are no exceptions. Now for the neurologic brain scan."
The antenna-like gadget on top of the doctor's head whirrs and swivels and comes down over his face. A part of it is a round viewer that can iris open. He uses that to stare into John's eyes. The iris opens and shuts.
Doctor: "Hmm..." He smiles and reaches for something on the table.
John: "Hey, look. I know you guys lie and all, but this is not going to hurt too bad, is it?"
Doctor: "Not a bit."
The doctor has a glob of snot hanging from the side of one nostril. He takes a long, pointed instrument and shoves it up John's nose. John screams as his face and sinus cavities light up like a Halloween pumpkin.
The snot runs down from the doctor's nose, down his face to his hand as he continues to stare at John through his device.
In the cargo bay, Chiana stands by Sikozu and takes something off her plate.
Sikozu: "No, no, no. No."
Chiana: "This food is dren." She drops what she had taken and walks away.
Rygel: "I'll agree to that."
John walks into the bay, holding the bridge of his nose.
D'Argo: "Ahh. If you'd held your scream out for one more microt, I would've won the pool."
John: "Ahh, too bad. Anything edible?"
Chiana, climbing over a storage cannister by Aeryn: "No."
Sikozu strings something long and yellow into her mouth: "Remarkable."
John picks up a shell shaped bowl: "So, Doc Snot commed ahead, giving us the all clear and Pilot says the mechanic is on approach." He eats some of the yellow, slimey strings.
Sikozu flushes bright yellow, as does John.
John stops in mid-bite: "Wow, that's crap!"
D'Argo sneezes explosively. Noranti does too.
D'Argo: "Know what? I think I might be allergic to something here."
The Doctor comes into the bay, holding his arms out, expansively: "Gratification at meeting you all. Did you enjoy the repast?"
John talks with his mouth full of yellow slime: "Well, it's the first thing I've had in a while that doesn't taste like chicken. Kind of reminds me of a big bowl of Alpo I once ate."
The Doctor laughs: "Perhaps when you visit the planet, you'll discover better nourishment."
D'Argo: "Uh... we won't be visiting the planet, Doctor. As soon as your mechanic fixes our ship, we'll be leaving." He sneezes.
Noranti sneezes immediately after D'Argo.
The Doctor laughs: "I risk to differ, Captain. Oh, did I forget to mention not to share the Qatal mollusks?"
John looks at what he is eating. Sikozu stops, holding a yellow string in her hand, looking at John.
Doctor: "They're to be eaten whole. Should the flesh be divided among different stomachs..." He pats his ample girth and laughs: "... the food poisoning that results is fatal."
Everyone but Chiana immediately spits out whatever is in their mouths. John, Aeryn and D'Argo pull their weapons and point them at the doctor.
Aeryn: "What did you do?"
Doctor: "Initiated the first half of our business arrangement. Bring one quarter million currency pledges each... to my office... and I will cure you."
END OF PROLOGUE
D'Argo has a rifle trained on the doctor.
D'Argo: "Know what? Why don't we just... shoot you?"
The doctor giggles.
Doctor: "It does sound presumptuous, I know. But I'm the only one that can cure you. The weapons will only cause the mechanic to resist the modifications your ship requires."
Rygel: "Suppose we tell him what you did?"
Doctor: "Well, he will not believe you. He cannot help you. And, I will double my price." He looks around at all the guns: "Care to call my bluff?" He looks pointedly at them each, in turn.
Rygel sniffs: "Hmm?"
D'Argo nods: "Hmm."
John uncocks his pistol and puts it away. The others lower their guns as well.
Doctor: "Do not delay payment. Your symptoms will greatly mimic the uncontrolled disorders associated with space madness..."
Doctor: "... a disease they shoot on sight for."
The doctor stands, facing them all, his hands on the sides of his belly, much like a pregnant woman.
D'Argo closes his eyes and sighs.
Two different aliens come into the cargo bay, one of them in a military uniform. This one comes up to the doctor and addresses him.
Doctor: "As I communicated, clean health for all. No threat of affective illness. At the moment."
D'Argo sneezes, immediately followed by Noranti. Rygel closes his eyes and farts. Aeryn sighs and holds her back. John and Sikozu double over from stomach cramps. The room is filled with groaning, grumbling and farting noises.
The doctor turns and walks out.
Chiana laughs and jumps down off the storage cylinder. She bounces over to the officer.
Chiana: "Hey. Glad to see ya."
The rest of the crew is either doubled over or clutching some body part. The moaning, groaning, sneezing and farting sounds continue.
Chiana: "As you can see, we're uh... we're all excited by it all."
Rygel: "If you'll excuse me..." He groans and farts again as he floats off.
D'Argo comes over and puts a hand on Chiana's shoulder: "Chiana."
Chiana: "Excuse me."
D'Argo takes her aside.
D'Argo: "Did you eat any of the mollusks?"
D'Argo: "Good. Okay. I want you to put this mechanic to work, but I want you to stay with him. He goes nowhere without you."
Chiana goes back over to the mechanic: "Where do you need to go?"
Mechanic: "The zyntian filter must be installed in a primary sensory nerve conduit."
Sikozu comes over to Chiana and the mechanic.
Sikozu: "Any neural cluster will do, once we have diverted the synaptic flow. And, um... I can tell Pilot how to do that." She doubles over from a cramp. So does John, who is sitting nearby.
Chiana: "Right. Come on." She leads the mechanic and the officer out of the cargo bay.
John calls after them: "Right. Y'all have fun now. Watch out for those Hodian Trill-bats. They're killers."
Aeryn: "What the frell is going on here? Every time Rygel... vents, I ... vent."
John: "And every time Sputnik pulls a face, I get major league cramps."
Sikozu: "I'm digesting a large meal. That should not be affecting you."
John: "Well, it does. Is this a... side-effect of the day-glo clams?"
Noranti is sitting at the table, happily eating: "It must be. D'Argo and I both ate the purple mollusks and every time he sneezes, I feel it."
Aeryn: "Rygel and I had the green one. Somehow it's linked us." She farts. "We have to find a cure very quickly."
D'Argo: "Okay. Let's go down to the planet and have a chat with our doctor." He points to Noranti: "Analyze the food. If you find a cure, comm us immediately."
John: "So we can chop his head off."
Noranti gets up, holding a cup in each hand: "I'll need various bodily samples from each of you." She holds a cup out towards John. John hawks and spits in the cup.
Noranti: "Thank you. Next." She holds out the other cup.
Aeryn: "Are you sure?"
John stands by D'Argo. They both grimace.
Inside Moya, Chiana takes the mechanic to a neural cluster.
Chiana: "How long will this take?"
The mechanic sets down a bag he was carrying and starts to open the rolling tool chest.
Mechanic: "Couple of arns at the most."
Chiana gets up on the girder and watches him work.
Mechanic: "Why are you staring at me?"
Chiana: "Well, maybe I think you're cute."
Mechanic: "Think whatever you want, but I'm here to do a job."
Chiana: "I just want to see that you don't hurt Moya."
Mechanic: "Time to bypass the synapses."
Chiana comms: "Pilot? We need to cut off power to this cluster."
Sikozu is at Pilot's console, with him.
Pilot: "Diverting now."
Sikozu: "No, it'd be more efficient if you simply..." She tries to push Pilot's claw.
Pilot: "I do not need your help." He pushes a control and it goes dark in the cluster where Chiana and the mechanic are working.
A transport pod leaves Moya and flies through a crater in the planet's rocky surface, to a city down below.
A woman with a flat headdress sits at a table. John, Aeryn and D'Argo are seated side-by-side on a bench against a wall. There is music playing. The woman looks at a transparency. John wipes his forehead with his hand.
Receptionist: "Dr Tumii will be back shortly."
D'Argo: "We'd like to see him now."
The receptionist looks embarrassed: "Nothing I can do."
John stands up: "Damn! This place could use some air-con. Where the hell is SIkozu? In a sauna?" John takes off his leather jacket.
Aeryn is leaning back against the wall. Her eyes are closed. She sighs.
Aeryn: "Don't complain. You're not feeling three overfull stomachs."
Noranti is in the galley kitchen, mixing liquids. She pours some of a golden liguid into a beaker.
Noranti: "Oh." She pours some of the gold liquid into a cup and drinks it. "Ahh!"
D'Argo: "Okay. This is new. It's not me. It's definately her."
Noranti takes another swig.
D'Argo hiccups again.
A set of sliding doors open with a clank. Doctor Tumii appears and tells the receptionist: "That's all for today."
She begins to pick up the transparencies from the desk. She stands up to leave.
Dr. Tumii gestures to D'Argo and the others to come in: "Ahh."
D'Argo hiccups as he stands up. He hics again as he walks across the waiting room and enters the Dr's office. Aeryn follows him, clutching her stomach and John carries his coat. The receptionist watches from the outside doorway as John grabs Dr Tumii and drag him into the office. D'Argo pushes him down on an examining table and all three point their guns at him.
Dr Tumii: "Killing me kills you. May I speak?"
John: "No. Cure first, speak later."
Dr Tumii: "Oh, put those away. I promise you I can't be forced to cure you. And the cure is of my own devising. You won't find it elsewhere. Let me explain the Qatal mollusk."
John: "Please don't. We give up. We'll pay."
Dr Tumii sniffs and wipes some snot from under his nose. He flings his hand back and a green hologram appears behind them, over a table of instruments.
Dr Tumii: "Each mollusk harbors one colony of neurally linked bacteria and each colony acts as one organism."
John walks around the table and looks at the hologram.
Dr Tumii: "So much so, that if the mollusk is halved, its bacteria alternately transmit each half's sensations to the other half."
D'Argo: "Who... cares?"
John: "Take the money... cure us."
Dr Tumii: "Now that the bacteria have colonized your bodies, they're communicating your emotional states to... uh... force you to merge."
The Dr goes over to the table and the hologram stops: "The problem is, you are not mollusks."
D'Argo: "That's never been a problem for us before."
Dr Tumii: "It is now. Your bodies, unlike the mollusk halves, can never merge. And so your symptoms worsen (we hear Aeryn "vent") and eventually the strain... kills you."
Aeryn: "All right. We understand. Fix it."
John: "We'll pay double if you shut up."
Dr Tumii chuckles.
D'Argo: "And I'll break your neck if you don't. Cure us all. Now."
Dr Tumii: "I will. But I am down to my last mollusk and, uh... each cure requires the same type as was ingested."
Aeryn: "So get more."
Dr Tumii: "More are being delivered in a few arns. Until then, I can only cure whoever ate the purple mollusk."
D'Argo: "That'd be me."
John and Aeryn (in unison): "I hate you."
Noranti is still in the galley. She is making a rhythmic "chug-a-chug-a-chug-a" sound and dancing around as she places an object on a machine that shakes it. She tangoes over to her cup and takes a swig, throwing her other arm up in the air, over her head. Then she dances back over to the shaking devise. She leans forward, then straightens back up.
Noranti: "Oh! Oh... oh... oh." She smiles and taps both of her cheeks with her finger tips. Her third eye is wide open.
Dr Tumii is squeezing something out of a funnel into a mollusk shell.
Dr Tumii: "When this is finished, you mix it with the other linked patient's urine and then you orally ingest."
D'Argo: "No way. I am not
drinking the old woman's urine."
Dr Tumii nods several times.
D'Argo: Uh uh."
D'Argo gasps, his mouth open in a big round "O". He puts his hands on his hips.
Noranti gasps and grabs the side of the cupboard for support.
D'Argo exhales loudly.
John: "D. What's up?"
D'Argo: "Nothing. It's... uh, it's Noranti. She... uh..." He exhales again.
Aeryn: "Is she in pain?"
John half covers his eyes with his hand.
D'Argo tries to speak, "No... no." while gasping. He waves his arms: "It's... it's the opposite."
Noranti cries out: "Ahh! Ohh!"
Dr Tumii: "She's experiencing intense pleasure?"
D'Argo gasps: "Very intense. Um... John. Do you think we could..." He walks towards John.
John holds his hand out towards D'Argo: "Whoa! No... no. Don't... don't come near me when you're feelin like that!"
D'Argo stops and stands trying to breathe, his chest heaving.
Aeryn: "Come on, D'Argo. Just fight it."
D'Argo continues to gasp.
Noranti: "Ahh! Ahh!"
John: "D. Think about baseball... math... Isosceles triangle..."
D'Argo's gasps are getting louder and faster.
Noranti: "Ahh! Ahh!"
John: "... rusty razor blades... gravel..."
D'Argo: "Whaa! Woof!"
Noranti: "Ahh! Ahh!"
Faster and faster, the "woofs" and the "ahhs" come until suddenly...
D'Argo stops breathing, then lets out a whining shriek.
Noranti stops, her mouth closed.
D'Argo takes a deep breath: "She lost it." He staggers over to the examining table and grabs hold of it with one hand. He rares back and hits his forehead on the table.
Noranti cries out and falls down, unconscious.
Dr Tumii decants some more ingredients into the mollusk shell: "This will give more lasting relief. Divide, urinate, exchange, ingest." He laughs. "You and the linked one must then press bare flesh to bare flesh so the bacteria can migrate."
D'Argo: "How much bare flesh?"
Dr Tumii: "Hands will suffice. You see, the cure unbinds the bacteria from your cells and tricks the colony into merging outside your body... "
John interrupts him: "One more word of technobabble and I'm gonna cut your tongue out. D'Argo, you wanta go check it out?"
D'Argo takes the vial from Dr Tumii and walks out.
John sighs: "I'm afraid the boy may be ruined for life."
Aeryn: "I'm almost jealous." She looks at the doctor: "And if this doesn't work... you're dead."
Dr Tumii: "With all respect... so are you."
Moya is still orbiting the rocky planet. Onboard...
Officer: "Bioscan's negative so far. But how can you travel in something so alive? All the filthy bacteria..."
He and Scorpius are walking down a corridor.
Scorpius: "Moya is quite hygenic. She is... self-disinfecting."
Officer: "She is female?"
Scorpius: "Oh yes. But wholly controlled by Pilot... a male, of course."
Officer: "Ahh. Okay. That's not so bad."
Scorpius: "And there never has been a case of space madness aboard this ship."
Officer: "Oh, you're lucky. We've had to terminate three cases in the last half-cycle."
Scorpius: "An outbreak?"
Officer: "I guess so. I thought it had gone. Three cases, out of the blue. They were good men, too. Real shame."
Scorpius: "Oh, indeed. All male?"
Officer: "That's what makes it a real shame."
Scorpius claps a hand on the Officer's shoulder and they continue down the corridor.
A buzzer sounds loudly.
Dr Tumii jumps and shrieks.
Dr Tumii: "Ahh! I believe the mollusks have arrived."
John: "Arrived in less than thirty minutes. Don't forget to tip the driver."
Aeryn stretches and turns her head to release some tension.
Dr Tumii hurries out of the office door, into the lobby. As he does, a black-robed woman with a flat black headdress is standing in the doorway with a gun. She shoots the doctor. John and Aeryn both react to the sound of the gunshot and run into the lobby. John shoots at the retreating figure. The black-robed woman runs out the door with Aeryn in pursuit. John looks down at the doctor who is lying on the floor.
John: "Son of a bitch."
Aeryn runs back in and also looks down at the doctor: "Vanished."
END OF ACT ONE
John kneels beside the doctor. Aeryn runs out of the doctor's office, carrying something which she gives to John.
John: "Lie still... don't move."
The doctor makes little noises. John puts what Aeryn handed him under the doctor's shirt and presses down on it with his hand.
Dr Tumii: "Who... who is the doctor?" He gasps and puts a hand on John's hand. "Oh! Plainly not you!" He takes over for John, who backs away. Tumii looks up at Aeryn: "Did you see who shot me?"
Aeryn: "Not her face. She disappeared."
Tumii: "But you're certain she was female?"
Aeryn: "Mm hmm."
Tumii: "Ahh. Ohh!" He tries to sit up. "We are all in serious difficulty."
Tumii: "Yes. I'm afraid I can't cure you."
John and Aeryn both stand up and pull their guns, pointing them down at Tumii.
Noranti has a satisfied look on her face. She sighs.
There is a stream of liquid flowing down into a pot. Some steam rises from the pot.
Sikozu sits on a bench. D'Argo sits across from her.
Noranti stands up and adjusts her skirts. She picks up a tumbler and dips it into the pot with a splash. She brings it up full and carries it over to D'Argo. He is holding another tumbler with a small amount of liquid in it.
Rygel: "Go on. Take it. Drink it."
Sikozu: "Why do you hesitate?"
D'Argo: "What do you think?"
Rygel: "Would you rather die than drink it?"
D'Argo heaves a deep sigh: "Okay. So, we should be touching while we drink this."
He and Noranti exchange tumblers.
Noranti: "Oh... so you said." She hands the tumbler to Sikozu and starts to remove her top. "Umm.. Bare skin to bare skin."
D'Argo waves his hand: "Ei.. ya... ya... yah! Not that much bare skin."
Noranti: "But I... I would have thought the more contact..."
D'Argo: "Uhn huh." He gestures with his hands for her to close her top. "The doctor said no."
Noranti: "Oh, yes."
D'Argo: "Less skin."
Noranti sits back down and they clasp hands.
D'Argo: "Here's to ya." He drinks. Noranti does as well. D'Argo grimaces and both their faces flush bright purple.
Sikozu: "Did it work?"
Sikozu: "Test it."
D'Argo: "Okay." He stands up and slugs Noranti in the face. She grunts and falls over backwards. Sikozu catches her and helps her sit back up.
Sikozu: "Oh! Was that absolutely necessary?"
D'Argo: "Oh... one little pop."
Noranti gasps as her eyes flie open. She reaches out and grabs D'Argo.
D'Argo yells and jumps.
Noranti yells and jumps too. They both sit back down.
Noranti: "Oh, I just got a fright. I... I didn't feel anything. It's working." She smiles at D'Argo.
D'Argo comms: "John. The cure seems to be working."
John: "That's great news, D."
Dr Tumii is lying on the examining table and Aeryn is standing by his head, holding her gun to it.
John: "I hate you even more."
Dr Tumii: "Certainly it's working. Just maintain contact."
Noranti: "For how long?"
Tumii: "Until you feel an oily sensation which signifies the bacteria have all precipitated out. No more than a few arns."
Sikozu: "What happens if they break contact before... that?" She bends over with a stomach cramp.
Tumii: "The bacteria will re-colonize in their bodies and the symptoms recur and eventually they'll die."
D'Argo: It's not gonna happen."
Noranti gazes at him with a besotted look on her face.
Aeryn: "Rygel. You and Sikozu get down here quickly."
Rygel: "Right. Oh!" He follow Sikozu out.
Noranti: "Do you know I've been looking for this opportunity for so long. I've wanted to get you alone. There are so many things I don't know about you..."
D'Argo hangs his head and sighs.
John: "You know Doc, you might want to give her a reason not to kill you."
Aeryn still has her gun to the doctor's head.
Dr Tumii: "Hah." He sneezes. "To cure you, I need qatal mollusks and I can no longer get them."
John: "Why not? Credit problems?"
Dr Tumii laughs: "Let me explain the sociopolitical situation on Khurtanan. As you may know, females are oppressed here, but there is a resistance movement planning a violent coup to seize power."
John: "Girl power. So what?"
Dr Tumii: "They possess the only qatal mollusks on this... planet." He laughs again: "They employ them to eliminate certain mailes in power."
Aeryn: "So why use the mollusks."
Dr Tumii: "Secrecy. The qatal symptoms are not known on this planet. They are mistaken for... space madness."
John: "Yah, and anyone with space madness is put down like a rabid dog. We got that part."
Dr Tumii: "Correct. But, during an autopsy on one of the victims, I saw the real cause. I found out who was responsible and I made a deal... my silence for some of the mollusks."
John: "So you use them for extortion and they use them for coup by clam. We still don't care."
Aeryn: "Apart from the obvious... why did they just try to kill you?"
Dr Tumii: "I assume that their big takeover attempt must be... imminent. Possibly they're afraid I might expose them." He leans his head back far enough to see up into Aeryn's face: "All I can do is refund two thirds of your currency."
Aeryn: "Oh no. You're going to tell me where the females are."
Dr Tumii looks back towards John, who points his pistol at him as well. Dr Tumii gasps.
The mechanic is using a sort of blow torch on the neural cluster. Chiana comes over beside him.
Chiana: "Um... I thought you might need some help with your equipment."
The mechanic shuts off the torch and lays it down: "I'm fine."
Chiana: "Sure you are."
Chiana bends down and grabs the mechanic, pulling him to his feet. She shoves him back against a girder and pulls open the front of his coveralls. Under the coveralls, the mechanic is wearing a sweater that reveals "he" has breasts.
Chiana drops her hands to her sides: "Sister."
Mechanic: "You can't tell Mekken! He'll kill me." She struggles to redo the front of her coverall.
Chiana touches her on the chin: "Oh? Well maybe I'll kill you." She knees the mechanic who falls over onto the floor with a groan. Chiana straddles her and gets down on her knees, looking her in the face. The mechanic struggles as Chiana pins her arms out to the side.
Mechanic: "What have I done to you? I told you, I'm just here to do a job."
Chiana: "Yah? Well then why the sex change, hmm? I don't think you're here to help us. I think you're here to spy on us. To make sure we eat those frelling mollusks!"
Mechanic: "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm here to help you
. Fixing your
Chiana gestures downwards with her head: "Then what's with this? What's with the change?"
Mechanic: "Because women on my world aren't allowed to do this sort of work."
The mechanic pushes Chiana's hands away and gets up off the floor.
Mechanic: "You don't believe me... I'll go. Get someone else... some male to stop your ship from going mad." She starts putting her tools back in the carrier.
Chiana comes over to stop her: "All right, all right, all right, all right. Okay, maybe... maybe you're not lying."
Mechanic: "No maybe."
They look into each others faces.
D'Argo is sitting with Noranti passed out, sleeping, leaning against his chest. D'Argo reaches his arm out as far as he can, attempting to reach a glass nearby on a table. He can't quite get it. He makes a fist and drops his hand down to his leg and sighs.
Aeryn is lying back on an examining table.
Aeryn: "These female revolutionaries run a club to entertain men?" She uses her pulse pistol to gesture.
Dr Tumii lies on the other table: "Very popular with rich and powerful males including governing officials."
John: "Then one night, they chop some mollusk up into the hors d'oeuvres and instant coup."
Aeryn holsters her gun and sits up: "I should probably go alone."
John jumps up, holstering Winona: "No, no, no. I got it."
Sikozu appears in the doorway behind John. She holds up a sack: "Currency." Rygel floats in behind her.
Sikozu: "Do we have the antidote?"
John grabs the sack: "Just goin for that."
Dr Tumii sits up.
Rygel: "Oh, well hurry up. This place reeks of antiseptic."
Aeryn: "Sikozu, we have a mission." She walks past John, out the door. Sikozu follows her.
John: "I'm happy to go."
Aeryn: "Jirl power."
John yells after them: "Girl! Girl power! Would you quit speakin English?"
Rygel: "Aeryn! Be careful! Considering we're linked."
Dr Tumii: "I'd better go before the females try again."
John tosses the money sack down and pulls Winona.
Dr Tumii: "I'm going to miss this planet..." He continues talking but the sound is muffled as John wraps him up in gauze, tying him down to the examining table and gagging him.
The buzzer sounds and a man calls out: "Anybody here?"
John hurriedly pulls the privacy curtain to block off the table from the doorway.
An officer walks into the office: "Dr Tumii?"
John peeks from behind the curtain: "He's tied up right now."
Officer: "So what?"
John: "So, uh... why don't you have a seat and wait your turn?"
The officer walks a few steps into the office, while pulling off his gloves: "Tell the doctor that Ho'Ock is here... now."
Rygel floats out from behind the curtain. He has Dr Tumii's viewing gadget looped over his head and what looks like a tiny rake in his hand.
Rygel clears his throat loudly: "What's all the commotion?"
Ho'Ock: "Who are you?"
Rygel: "Dr Rygel. Tumii's at a colon convention. Uh, what seems to be the problem? Hmm?"
Ho'Ock: "My zergenbobs are playing up again."
Rygel clicks his tongue: "Tsk, tsk, tsk. That's what you get for neglecting them. Take off your clothes."
Rygel: "Yes. For some preventive bloodletting. Most anyone can benefit from the removal of one excess bodily fluid or another. Inflamed zergkenbobs, you say? Well, I think we should take a look... hmm?" Rygel floats towards Ho'Ock with the irised viewer in front of his eye.
Ho'Ock turns and starts to leave.
Rygel: "Take care of yourself."
Ho'Ock looks back at him.
Rygel swings the viewer back infront of his eye: "Hmm?" He opens and shuts the iris.
Ho'Ock slaps his gloves against his hand and leaves.
John: "What the hell's the matter with you?"
Rygel: "I'm operating." He chuckles.
Outside, it is dark but the street is lit up with neon lights.
Aeryn and Sikozu walk into what appears to be an empty bar. A woman comes out of a doorway and greets them.
Woman: "You looking for work?"
Woman: "We don't open for another arn."
Aeryn: "We'd like to talk to Selva."
Aeryn: "Your boss." She has her hand on the top of her pulse pistol, in its holster.
Woman: You claim to know her?"
Sikozu: "No... but we have heard that she's trying to improve conditions on this planet for females."
Aeryn: "It's a worthy cause. Causes need currency. So we'd like to discuss... a business deal."
Another woman comes out and joins the first. Aeryn turns and sees that two more have come in behind them.
Woman: "Not interested."
Aeryn: "We'd prefer to hear that from Selva."
Woman shakes her head: "No, you wouldn't."
Aeryn cocks her pistol: "Sikozu... are you up for this?"
A woman comes up behind Aeryn and Sikozu holding a nightstick raised in her hand.
Rygel cries out and flies forward in his throne sled.
John grunts and falls to the floor.
Rygel jerks around in his sled: "Crichton! I think the girls are in trouble!"
John struggles to sit up: "That's brilliant, Holmes." He cries out again and flies backwards onto the floor.
Rygel cries out and jerks again.
END OF ACT TWO
Aeryn and Sikozu are tied together, back to back, in a fairly empty room. A woman stands nearby, watching them.
Another woman walks into the rooms and looks at them.
Woman: "I am Selva. You wanted to speak to me?"
Aeryn: "Not if this is how you treat your friends. Why don't you untie us?"
Selva: "You're not my friends." She continues walking around them in a circle, watching them all the while.
Aeryn: "Yes, you're right. That's a good point. We're not your friends. We've come to buy something from you at whatever the price. Two qatal mollusks."
The two women exchange glances.
Selva and the first woman go into the corridor to talk.
Woman: "Even if they're telling the truth, we can't take that chance."
Selva: "Of course not. But killing them will only cure whoever it is they're linked with."
Woman: "Leaving them free to take revenge."
Woman: "However, if we keep our captives alive..."
Selva: "Then their partners will be drawn here."
Woman: "Where they can all die at once."
John holds up a large, padded, purple bra: "Ain't no way in hell I'm wearin that."
Rygel: "Have I spent an arn shopping for nothing? We have to get into that club."
John: "Aw, we can just go as we are."
Rygel: "The elite male clientele are all known and know one another. Therefore, we can't go as males."
John: "Well, I ain't goin as Maid Marian in..." He holds a purple dress up in front of him. "... look at that. That is not a slimming color. Black is a slimming color. Maybe... maybe if it was black, but uh uh."
Rygel: "I wear that color all the time. Look, stay here and die from the mollusks. I'll go alone."
There is loud music playing and the club is now crowded with people. There are more entering. One of these is John. He is dressed in a long-sleeved purple gown and has on a long, curly brunette wig. Behind him floats Rygel in a white princess gown complete with headdress.
Rygel: "Told you we'd get in."
John: "You say that like it's a good thing. One down, three to go. Get in, get the girls, get the clams, get out." He walks away and Rygel follows. They wend their way through the crowd.
John: "Come over here. Keep your head down."
Rygel: "We need to blend in."
John: "Blend in? Hell, when we got here, the clocks stopped. We couldn't blend in on Butt-ugly Night."
Just then, a man walks up and grabs John's ass.
Man: "What have we got here?"
John jumps: "Oh!"
Man: "I love a powerful woman." He grins.
John: "You put your hand on my ass again and I will kill you."
Scorpius and Mekken are going through the corridors on Moya. Mekken has an analyzer that he his using to test something. As they move down, they get close enough to begin overhearing Chiana and the Mechanic talking.
Mechanic: "You're the first one who's ever guessed that I wasn't really a male."
Chiana: "It wasn't a guess. I know a male when I see one."
Mekken hurries towards the voices. He stands over a hole in the floor, looking down at the mechanic and Chiana sitting together, working and talking. Scorpius joins him.
Mechanic: "Pretending to be a male isn't so bad."
Chiana: "How do you stand covering up who you are?"
Mechanic: "Men get treated better."
Chiana: "There must be lots of places you could go where you don't have to pretend. My home planet's a lot worse than this one. I ran away a long time ago. Never regretted it for a microt."
Mekken moves over to an access ladder and starts down it.
Mechanic: "Khurtanan's my home. And I won't have to masquerade forever. Sooner or later, women will take power."
Mekken arrives at the bottom of the ladder. He pulls his gun and points it at the mechanic: "You. Put down your tools and strip."
The mechanic lays down the tool she'd been using. She stands up and faces Mekken: "No."
Mekken cocks his rifle.
Chiana steps between Mekken and the mechanic: "Hey. Leave her... alone."
Mekken: "Stand clear... or you'll both die."
Chiana: "Come on."
Scorpius comes down the ladder behind Mekken. He grabs him by the throat and twists, breaking his neck. Mekken slumps to the floor and Scorpius takes the devise he had been analyzing Moya with and examines it.
Mechanic: "You killed Mekken!"
Scorpius: "Resume your work."
John, in drag, walks down a hallway, swinging his hips to the beat of the music in the club. A man appears silouetted in the doorway in front of him. John stops and the man, Ho'Ock, steps down from the doorway so his face becomes visible. He slowly walks down the hall until he gets to John who has turned his face towards the wall. Ho'Ock puts his hand on the wall beside John's face.
Ho'Ock: "Let's dance."
John turns, keeping his back towards Ho'Ock.
Ho'Ock: "What's the problem? You don't talk."
John: "Darling, I don't dance."
Ho'Ock: "I do." He takes John's hand and leads him onto the dance floor, with John twisting and turning and trying to get away.
Pilot: "Crichton isn't responding."
Scorpius walks into Pilot's den.
Pilot: "His comms may be turned off."
Scorpius: "Or, he could be incapacitated... by the qatar mollusks."
Pilot: "Perhaps we should contact the planet's authorities."
Scorpius: "And if they inquire after Mekken?"
Pilot: "Well... what can we do?"
Scorpius: "You... can do nothing."
Rygel floats through the club in his princess garb, humming to himself.
The woman walks back into the room where Aeryn and Sikozu are tied-up. Selva and a couple more women join her.
Woman: "Have their better halves arrived?"
Selva: "Can't tell. Too many new faces."
The woman looks thoughtful.
Selva: "Give me fifty microts, then cut off one of their fingers. That should tell us."
Selva and the two other women leave.
The first woman smiles and pulls her dagger out of her belt.
John and Ho'Ock are slow dancing, face-to-face.
Ho'Ock: "Isn't this nice? With the right partner I could do it all night."
John: "I really don't think I'm the right partner for you."
Ho'Ock: "I do."
John: "You know, as much as I... love a man in uniform... shouldn't you be on duty or something?"
Ho'Ock: "I am on duty."
Rygel finds a heavy door, which he opens. There is frost in the air.
Rygel: "This looks promising."
He goes inside the room. He finds rows of the mollusks sitting in ice.
Rygel: "Yes. Excellent." He laughs.
The first woman looks at Aeryn and Sikozu. She points at Aeryn: "You."
Sikozu: "Not her." She kicks out her leg and knocks the knife out of the woman's hand. It hits the floor with a clatter. Two other women rush over to help. One of them hits Sikozu.
John cries out and his knees buckle. Ho'Ock catches him.
Ho'Ock: "Something wrong?"
John holds onto Ho'Ock, keeping his head down.
Selva peers through the crowd, looking.
John sees Selva looking and swings Ho'Ock around, so that he, not John, is facing Selva.
The woman picks the knife up off the floor. The other two women hold Aeryn and Sikozu.
Sikozu: "No! Not her!"
One of the women pulls one of Aeryn's fingers out, away from her hand. Aeryn gasps.
Rygel gasps and clutches the mollusk he is holding.
Woman: "Are you volunteering?"
Aeryn: "No. Leave her alone. I brought her here, so..."
Sikozu: "Shut up, Aeryn!"
Aeryn: "Shut up!"
Woman: "Fine." She cuts with her dagger.
Aeryn and Sikozu both cry out. A finger falls to the floor.
John grits his teeth to keep from screaming and sags further into Ho'Ock.
Ho'Ock: "Are you all right?"
John gasps: "Yah. I am. I am... floating."
They continue to circle slowly on the dance floor.
Selva looks around trying to find the "partners".
END OF ACT THREE
John hangs onto Ho'Ock. He breathes: "I could... I could use a drink."
Ho'Ock: "To the bar, shall we?"
Aeryn and Sikozu are both seemingly unconscious and breathing in short jerky breaths, still tied together.
Selva comes into the room: "Didn't work. No one reacted."
John and Ho'Ock leave the dance floor. John leans up against a wall.
Ho'Ock: "Wait there." He goes over to the bar.
John blows his hair out of his face. He whispers: "Pervert."
John comms: "Ryg? How you makin out?"
Rygel comms back: "I've got the mollusks."
John: " What about the girls?"
Rygel: "Don't know. If they're here, I can't find them."
John: "Oh, we got to find them fast."
Rygel: "That's your job. I did my part. I'm leaving."
John: "You're not runnin out on me?"
Rygel: "I can't help it. I'm overwhelmed with dread."
John: "That's the clams talkin."
Rygel: "And worse still, my limbs are starting to go numb." He whimpers.
John: "Damn it, Rygel. The Doc told us what that meant."
Rygel quivers and shakes uncontrollably.
Selva and the other women stand and look at Aeryn and Sikozu. They are unconscious and spasming where they sit.
Woman: "Should I try the other one?"
Selva: "It's too late. She's already entered the final phase. The link will get more unstable until she and her partner die."
Rygel: "Oh! If we're not cured soon, we're dead. You get the girls. I'll get these clams to the doctor. It's antidote time." Rygel wheezes as he turns to leave.
John whispers: "Rygel? Rygel?"
Scorpius enters his cell on Moya. He is carrying half a mollusk shell in each hand.
Pilot: "Scorpius. Consuming the remnants of the discarded mollusks seems a risky plan. Are you certain that once you've linked with the others you can endure the symptoms and delay their deterioration?"
Scorpius: "Certain? No. Confident? Yes." He sets each mollusk shell on a stand and closes the cell door. Scorpius then kneels between the two stands and alternately sets the shells on the floor beside him.
Pilot: "I tried once more to contact them, but there's still no response from..."
Scorpius interrupts, speaking in a growl: "From nothing!"
D'Argo still sits, holding the sleeping Noranti against his chest.
D'Argo: "Noranti... I'm really thirsty..."
Noranti speaks in her sleep: "Oh, it's gorgeous." She laughs: "But I don't want any more."
Mechanic: "Let's get this filter in place." She picks up a silver and blue object and places it inside Moya's neural cluster. She steps back.
Chiana: "That oughta do it. Pilot?"
Mechanic: "Restore the primary path and see if it's all working."
Pilot: "Restoring... now."
Pilot presses a lever with his claw and the lights come back on in the neural cluster where Chiana and the Mechanic have been working. There is a whirring noise as the power is restored.
Pilot: "Uncanny. It's so quiet. The filter works perfectly. Moya and I sincerely thank you."
Chiana: "You gonna be alright?"
Mechanic: "On Khurtanan?"
Mechanic: "Sure. Name change, new identity." She reaches up and pulls off her wig with a sigh, letting her own long hair fall free. "I've done it before. I've got friends who help. I'll probably end up in an even better job."
Chiana: "You're a frelling optimist."
Mechanic: "Hard to be a revoluntionary if you're not."
John and Ho'Ock are sitting on a bench in a corner of the bar.
John: "Now, really. I should go powder my face."
He gets up, but Ho'Ock grabs his hand and pulls him back. John lands in his arms, in an embrace.
Ho'Ock: "Mm mm."
Ho'Ock: "I think you look beautiful just as you are."
John: "No, you don't."
Ho'Ock: "Yes, I do. The moment I saw you... in the doctor's office."
Aeryn and Sikozu are still spasming and crying out as they do.
John jerks and grunts.
Ho'Ock: "You couldn't fool me for a microt. Not with a face like that."
John: "All right. Here's the deal. I lost a bet." John pushes on the bench and straightens up.
Ho'Ock: "There's no need to lie to me. If you treat me nicely I might not even have to arrest you."
Aeryn and Sikozu continue to quiver and shake.
John: "Dressing up is not a crime."
Ho'Ock: "Yes it is. But, impersonating a doctor is an even worse one. Central Registry shows no record of your offworld friend. Who is he? And where is he?"
Rygel floats beside Dr Tumii who is still tied to the examining table with gauze. His arms have been freed, however, and the gag removed. He holds a small dish on his chest and puts something green and slimy inside it.
Dr Tumii: "This won't help you without your linked partner. You know? So, why don't you, uh... set me... free?"
Rygel: "Shut up! Work!"
Ho'Ock leans into John: "There's only one thing I like more than dancing."
Ho'Ock: "Interrogations. Long, hard
John leans away: "Oh god!"
Scorpius takes a deep breath and turns his face upwards, towards the ceiing. His eyes are closed and his mouth is wide open.
The woman walks around the room, near Aeryn and Sikozu. They continue to shake and quiver and they fall sideways off the crate they were sitting on and lay on their sides on the floor, tied together and seizing.
Ho'Ock leans over him: "You'll tell me now, or you'll tell me later."
Scorpius bends down and picks up one of the mollusk shells... the green one. He puts his fingers into the slime and scoops some of it into his mouth. He puts his head all the way back, once more.
Aeryn and Sikozu lie on the floor, jerking and twitching.
Woman: "I'm told it's a terrible death. Wish I could make it quicker." She laughs and fondles her dagger.
Aeryn and Sikozu both gasp as they shake.
sets down the green mollusk. He takes a deep breath. Suddenly he jerks and his head flies backwards. He gasps and shakes.
Sikozu and Aeryn gasp.
Rygel gasps and jerks. Dr Tumii reaches down and picks up a knife from beside the table.
Scorpius scoops up some of the yellow mollusk and places it in his mouth.
Rygel continues to jerk and gasp. Dr Tumii grins.
Scorpius shakes and groans. His head flings from side to side.
Sikozu cries out.
John gasps: "Get your hands off me."
Scorpius jerks uncontrolably, his hands hanging limp at his sides.
Sikozu gasps again.
Aeryn opens her eyes. She blinks.
Rygel opens his eyes and sees Dr Tumii with the knife. Rygel leaps at Tumii and bites him on the nose.
Dr Tumii drops the knife and screams.
Rygel keeps biting until a piece of Tumii's nose breaks off with a crunch.
Dr Tumii feels the end of his nose: "I... me... my nose! You bit off my nose!"
Rygel: "There's plenty left. Now, get back to work."
Scorpius is hyperventillating, his chest heaving.
Sikozu lies quietly. Her severed finger is near her head. Aeryn looks around.
John pushes the hair back out of his face.
Ho'Ock: "Don't be shy.."
John slaps him lightly on the face.
Ho'Ock grins and "woofs".
John hits him in the face with an elbow. Ho'Ock looks stunned. John hits him again.
Scorpius sits kneeling and looks straight ahead. His breathing has returned to normal.
The woman looks down at the now quiet pair. She bends over and reaches out with her fingers to touch Aeryn's neck. As she touches her, Aeryn grunts. When she does, Sikozu grunts also and they each kick out a leg, striking the woman and knocking her down.
Aeryn sighs: "I thought we were done. What happened?"
Sikozu: "I do not know." She groans and stretches to reach her severed finger.
Aeryn: "Why did you volunteer your finger?"
Sikozu gasps and moans, her breathing difficult: "Do your appendages reattach?"
Selva and some women come into the bar.
Selva: "Tell me of anything suspicious at all."
John stands in a doorway, looking into the bar.
Sikozu and Aeryn peer in from another doorway.
John walks out into the crowd. When he sees Selva, he crouches down so he isn't so tall. He gets between some couches, on his hands and knees. Sikozu spots him and she and Aeryn hurry over and join him. They all scrunch down on the seats.
Sikozu takes a deep breath.
Aeryn turns her head. When she sees John, she jumps!
John: "Don't ask. It was Rygel's idea."
Aeryn eyes the dress.
John: "He's got the clams. We got to figure a way out of here."
Aeryn: "All the exits are guarded."
They look around and see that Selva and her woman are standing in front of the doors.
John: "Maybe sumpin I can do."
Aeryn whispers: "Hurry."
John wobbles as he climbs up to stand on the couch.
John: "Scuse me ladies. Can I have your attention?"
The club goes quiet. Selva hurries over to one of the woman.
John: "Do any of you have..."
Selva: "Give me that."
John: "... one of these under your skirt?" He points down.
Sikozu: "Now!" She and Aeryn take off, still crouched down.
John lifts his skirt. He has a pulse pistol strapped to each thigh. He pulls them out and starts shooting at the ceiling with them.
Sikozu: "Aeryn!" She has a dagger and she grabs Selva.
Aeryn comes over to them and hits Selva.
John: "Yah! Girl power!"
The crowd rushes screaming from the room. John and Aeryn and Sikozu are all armed and watch as everyone else leaves.
Rygel stuffs bits of mollusk into Dr Tumii's mouth.
Rygel: "That's it. Just one more bite. Mm mmm. Oh, good."
Dr Tumii keeps chewing.
Rygel: "Oh thank you for preparing the cures. I'll leave this mollusk in the garbage... outside."
Dr Tumii sputters: "But... it will be consumed by drozil flies or a wild flibisk. You can't do that to me."
Rygel: "I risk to differ." He shoves some more in Tumii's mouth. "Mmm. Nice mollusk. What's that? One more mouthful?"
Dr Tumii closes his eyes and shakes his head vigorously.
END OF ACT FOUR
D'Argo and Noranti grunt as they begin to pull their hands apart.
Noranti: "Oh! Look at that! Isn't that amazing?"
There is some purple, stringy stuff stuck to their hands.
Noranti: "Now that
D'Argo: "No. That
we will throw away. Everyone? The cure works. Ours is finished."
John, Sikozu, Aeryn and Rygel all sit down cups in unison and swallow.
John: "D? How long did yours take?"
Noranti: "No time at all."
D'Argo: "Frelling forever."
In unison: "Three arns."
Rygel: "Three arns?"
John, who is holding Sikozu's hand: "That's not that long."
Aeryn, who is holding Rygel's: "For some."
They are sitting around a table in the cargo bay.
John: "Well, put your hands together and feel the power. Yah! Out with the evil spirits! Give me your hand, Ryg."
John grabs Rygel's free hand.
Rygel shakes him off: "Go away. I'm hungry."
Aeryn: "You're not eating anything until we are completely seperated."
Sikozu: "The antidote has already dissolved our emotional linkages."
Aeryn: "I don't want to take any
chances." She gives Sikozu a "look".
Rygel: "I, uh, hate to bring this up, but Scorpius ate the mollusks as well."
Sikozu: "Yes. To link with the four of us and temporarily override our symptoms. We would be dead by now if he had not."
In his cell, Scorpius is on his hands and knees, between the stands. His epaulets flap like giant wings and he rocks forwards. He heaves and vomits a mixture of green and yellow mollusk onto the floor. He rests there, panting.
END OF EPILOGUE